Schizoaffective | Luna (AustinFFA)

{ 11. We Just Need Someone To Truly Love Us First }

God, we'd give anything just to feel safe
Deep down, we all know our worth
We just need someone to truly love us first

"Robyn, come in you two. I made hot chocolate" my mom called. She was standing in the sliding door, rubbing her arms to keep warm. 

Austin took my hand in his and led me towards the house. "I love hot chocolate" he smiled at me. 

"I-I haven't had it in...forever" I mumbled quietly as I pull myself into him embrace.

"Are you serious? You've been missing out" 

We take off our jackets and boots before going to sit down in the living room. My dad was watching Christmas videos from a couple of years ago, I was playing the piano and singing Christmas carols. 

"Jude, turn that off" my mom said as she brought two mugs filled with hot chocolate and marshmallows. 

"Can you please leave it on...?" Austin asked after thanking my mom for the cup.

My parents both look at me, making sure I'm okay with viewing this. I swallow hard but nod. 

We continue to watch. It pains me to see myself so happy. I miss being happy.

I look over to Austin who's mesmerized by the home video. His eyes sparkle and he smiles each time I let out a giggle. 

Willow is right. He does love me. He looks at me the way my dad looks at my mom. I've always worshiped my parents' relationship, hoping that one day I will find something like it. And I think I found my chance.

"Wow, I knew you were talented...but I didn't know you were that amazing. Why don't you play anymore?" he asks me after the video finishes.

"I...uh..." my smile fades when I realize that I didn't have an answer. My music has always been something that I valued, something I was proud of. I was good, and I have trophies and ribbons to prove it. Austin thought I was good, and so did everyone else that heard me.

When he saw my frown, his smile also faded. "You don't have to answer...I'm sorry I asked..."

"No, it's okay. I just lost interest I guess"

Lie. Lie. Lie. 

He nodded but I knew that he knew I was lying. He pulled me into his arms. 

He was warm...and I felt safe. His presence made me feel safe. If I watched this video without him, I would have been a mess. But for some reason he made everything seem okay. 

"We'll get through this together Rob, I promise"