Schizoaffective | Luna (AustinFFA)

{ 12. I'm Ready To Be Alive }

As I close my eyes every night,
I'm ready to breathe, I'm ready to believe,
I'm ready to be alive,
Just show me what love looks like,
Because you are love and I'm alive.

I lay in bed alone. It has to be close to midnight, but I can't fall asleep. 

I close my eyes but all I feel is the want to be awake. To feel alive and be able to enjoy my life just like Austin does. I'm jealous of the happiness that always shines in his eyes. I grab the home phone and sit on the windowsill, dialing his number. 

I know that he's awake because I can see the faint light of a computer screen shine through his blinds. He picks up by the 3rd ring.

"Robyn? Is everything okay? Shouldn't you be asleep?" He picks up, his voice filled with worry.

"I want to get better" 

"But you are getting better. Can't you see? You're talking again, and I see how your lips curve, trying to form a smile. You're doing so good baby" he says.

I can see that he's no longer sitting at his computer. I can make out a silhouete walking around the room, running his hand through his hair.

"Rob? You still there?"

"Yeah....why aren't you sleeping?" I ask him, wondering what he's doing up at....12:36 in the morning.

"I'm working on a video" 

I think about it for a second. I overheard at school that he had a YouTube channel...but I never knew what it was.

"What's your channel name?" I ask him.

"Luna..."

"Okay, goodnight Austin" I hang up before he has a chance to question why I need the name. I sneak into my father's office and log into his computer.

I carefully type in Austin's channel name and begin watching his videos from the beginning. 

Next thing I know, I'm out, falling asleep to the sound of cuss words leaving his mouth.

(I said I wouldn't update....I lied )