Schizoaffective | Luna (AustinFFA)

{ 25. Please Tell Mom This Is Not Her Fault }

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

Another 4 days pass and I sit in my room. Willow and Arianne have tried to cheer me up, but it wasn't working. I was waiting for a call or a text, but apparently, no one was getting those except for his parents.

I fought the urge to call him, but if he had nothing to say to me I wasn't going to force him. He was probably having fun and forgot about his dumb little girlfriend back home. He was living the life. 

There was no point in fighting this anymore. God knows when he'll decide that it's time to call me. I need his sweet words now. I need help, but I'm not one to ask for it. Maybe in the end I'm the one to blame for being like this. Because I can't ask for help, even though I know I need it.

I look in the mirror. This is the third day in a row that I'm wearing this, my hairs a mess, and I'm in a desperate need of a shower...but it doesn't matter. I'm not going to sit around and wait for my savior to decide that it's time to check up on me. I'm a child who can't take care of herself and I won't be a burden on other people. 

I grab a piece of paper from my dad's drawer and begin to write.

Mom and Dad, 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you take care of me for all these years. I know that I was a pain in the ass but you still kept up with me because you love me, and I'm thankful for that. This is something that's hard to do, but...but I need to do it. It might hurt at first but in six months you'll be okay. Everyone will be okay. I can't see you waste your life because I'm the center of it. The little depressed daughter who you have to watch 24/7 so she'll be okay, even though she never will be. You don't have to keep any memories of me if you don't want. You can never walk into my room again. You can board it up. You can forget about the time that I spilled the cup of apple juice in the hall, even though the stain is still there. And dad, please remind mom that this is not her fault. Both of you were the best parents a girl could ask for. Supportive and Loving. I love you both so much, and I'm so sorry for failing you.

Willow and Arianne, 

I want to thank you for being here for me this week. It meant a lot knowing that I had my two best friends with me for the last two weeks of my life. You can both take anything you want to remember me by...but only if you want to. Please move on and dont let this ruin you

Austin, 

I want you to know that I love you. You helped me live for the past 2 months and I'm glad I spend them with you. And don't blame yourself for this either. This is my fault, I was too weak to keep going. I hope that your career booms and you become everything you want to be because you deserve it. You're an amazing person and you made me happy. Please promise me to take care of my family during this time. And please don't let this affect your future. Get married, have kids, keep going. Because I care about you more than I care about myself. I want you to be as happy as you made me, and never feel like I feel now or like I felt before we started dating. I love you so much and I'm so sorry for being such a burden. 

And just like that my life was reaching its final destination