|31| 1st December

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 " "I'm sorry I can't do more. But happy birthday, Sadie." 

He leaned forward and kissed me on the lips."

-Rick Riordan, The Throne of Fire

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THE WEEK FLEW by painfully. It was easy when you were the one who hid, who avoided and who left him behind. But when the roles were reversed it felt like I was stumbling for breath. I'd didn't realise how much I depended on him, how the sight of him managed to make the day feel complete.

When I did see Kaden in the mornings, I couldn't stop feeling nervous. Our drive was filled with an uncomfortable silence that was penetrated with loud music. He didn't talk much about that friday night. I didn't even get to tell him how well he played.

It was so easy to reach over turn the music down and talk about it. About that night. But I didn't want to. It brought back memories of my bet with Tassia in the most uncomfortable way. He did take my birthday invites and pass it to the band, but that was all he did. 

He was still the same to the school, I'd spot him always talking to someone, laughing and looking so carefree.

So much, that I almost believed that I imagined him looking like that.

I tried to be busy, pushing the coach to have cheer practices, greeting Daisy, who came back to school, her ankle wrapped up in a cast. She was quieter, and less snarky. She looked like she'd came from hell and back, but her eyes were glazed half the time and I wondered if she really heard what I said. I invited her to my birthday party too. 

If she was surprised, or if she was coming she didn't say anything. 

I spent more time with my girlfriends, Tassia, Tallah, Rekha and Grace. We went shopping, spent time at Rekha's house and gushed about boys, partying and other things. 

But I felt empty. I knew I'd seal the deal on fifth December and push our friendship to shreds. 

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BIRTHDAYS FOR ME has always been an excuse to party. I'd discovered quickly it was also an effective way to climb up the social ladder. 

Thus, began the grand parties of Amber Lewitt. 

When I started throwing grand parties at thirteen, I used to hand out more invites and the places I selected would be filled to the brim, but as we grew up and the difference between who were popular, who wanted to be popular and who weren't began to grow. I made my invites more exclusive, inviting people who should be invited.

As a result, my birthday season was always filled with excited students both about winters ball and my birthday. 

But so far, I never really celebrated my birthday on the first of December, because that day was reserved for my family.

Or this year, what's left of it.

"How long do you think Dad will take?" I asked peering at the menu. We were sitting in a fancy hotel, the same one my dad was staying in. The menu had gold lettering on black paper which gave it a really posh feel. I liked touching the gold lettering, the texture was softer and shinier on the black pages.

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