It had been an awkward, tense day. Walking on pins and needles around Arizona at all times was tough. Sometimes things would set her off and other times they wouldn't. I had asked her if she wanted to take a shower and she acted as though she'd been slapped. She had cowered in the corner.
"Honey?"
"You would do that to me?" she asks, on the verge of tears.
I kept back, not sure of where this would go. "Honey, a shower, like in the bathroom?"
Zona visibly relaxed. "Oh."
"What did you think I meant?"
Arizona just shook her head.
"Honey, come on," I went into the bedroom and hoped that Arizona would follow me. I walked into the bathroom and pulled out Arizona's softest towel. I laid it on the sink counter. Reaching into the shower, I turned the water to just the right temperature for my Arizona. I turn and Arizona was standing in the doorway, watching me. I flashed a smile and saw it reflected in Arizona's eyes. "You ready?"
Arizona hugged herself, keeping her arms wrapped tightly around her body. "Yeah."
"Okay," I nodded, standing. I brush my lips against Callie's cheek and closed the door behind me when I walked out. While Arizona had never had a problem being naked around me before, the psychologist had explained that Zona had been brought in naked, so ownership over clothing would be a big deal for her. Control over things that happened to her would also be a big deal. I was supposed to indulge this need for control to an extent and let Arizona work her way out of it at her own pace. I was happy that Az was no longer flinching at her touch. Zona had a great long journey to go through.
I would not abandon her, but I still missed my Arizona.
I will get you back, Arizona.
I slipped into sweatpants and brushed through my hair quickly. Getting Az to bed would be a task in and of itself tonight and I knew I would sleep deeply if Arizona slept soundly. But Bailey had warned her that nightmares bordering on night terrors plagued her heavily and sleep was hard to come by. I had asked the psychologist if sedation at night would be a good idea. He had warned me against it. These dreams needed to play themselves out. Arizona needed to deal with her fears. Sedation would let her suppress the memories and they would haunt her for much longer.
I had sighed and laughed, "So basically I won't be sleeping for weeks."
"Basically," he had said.
Arizona had made a break through earlier, telling her about the day she had been abducted. I could not imagine the terror and fear she must've felt. Before I knew it tears were rolling down my cheeks as I thought about my Arizona being beaten and brutally attacked.
Hearing the water turn off, I quickly pulled myself together. Zona needed me to be strong right now. I turn to the door as it opened and smiled. Zona had the towel wrapped tightly around her, but she stood looking around the room. "What's wrong?"
"I don't-" She said.
"You remember where your dresser is right?"
Arizona nodded. She still didn't move. I stood and walked to her, tucking a stray strand of wet hair behind her ear. "This doesn't make sense."
"What doesn't?" I asked.
Zona turned her head. Then she walked forward, going straight to her dresser.
I stared after her, hoping her bizarre behavior would settle down soon.
She pulled out sweat pants and a t-shirt and then turned back around and walked back into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
I stared at the door in bewilderment. When Arizona reemerged, she was dressed. She held her clothes from the day in her hands. I watch as she put them in the hamper. The old Arizona would have left them in the bathroom.
Then she stood there. "Where do I sleep?"
I just continued to stare at her, blankly. "Umm."
"I'll just..." Arizona walked to the corner of the room and sank down onto the floor. "...sleep here."
My jaw dropped. Before I knew what I was doing I was screaming. "Arizona Robbins! Get up!"
Zona's eyes went wide with fear and she jumped up as if she'd been scalded. "Did I do something wrong, I was just trying-"
I walked up to her and kissed her full on the lips.
Zona froze. "Anything?" My eyes begged for some hint of my Arizona.
"I don't know what you want," She said.
I sighed. "You sleep in bed, with me, on the right side. That's your side."
"But," Zona said, so certainly. "I'm not worthy of a bed."
I sank. All the fight left me. "Arizona. Listen to me. You are home. With me. And I love you. Please, please come back to me. I miss my Arizona." I let her body down onto the bed.
"Calliope," Arizona said. "Calliope, don't cry.
"What happened to you? What did they do to you?"
"Calliope," Arizona asked, "Can we...can we sleep?"
"Yeah." But I couldn't get past the bitterness in Arizona's voice when she said my name.
