Arizona slid her tongue into Callie's mouth as her hand slid over her torso. As they deepened the kiss, Callie's hand slid under Arizona's shirt. She brushed over the smooth skin, electrified at the feel of Her Arizona again. Her hand skimmed lower over Zona's hip and her fingers hit different textures and raised skin.
Arizona tensed.
Her hand immediately covered Callie's and she pulled it away from her. "Calliope. Don't."
"Arizona, what is that?"
"Don't, Calliope." The bitterness was back with a vengeance.
Callie pressed her lips to Arizona's again and they fell back into a sweet, soulful pattern of kisses. Arizona continued to explore Her Calliope's mouth, remembering the woman that she fell in love with. Callie used Arizona's distraction to slide her hand under Arizona's shirt again and inch it up.
Arizona froze again and Callie stared, wide eyed at the skin of her Arizona's hip.
"Arizona Robbins," Callie choked out. "What did they do to you?"
"You don't want to know."
"But I do," Callie forced. This was not okay.
"You really want to know?" Arizona asked, anger rising. "You really want to know, Calliope?"
"Yes."
"They branded me," Arizona spat out. She pulled her shirt off. "Look at it."
Callie looked away.
"Look at it! You wanted to see so bad, look at it!"
Callie forced herself to look down, and raised her trembling hand to trace the 'C' and the 'T' branded into Arizona's skin.
"They chained my feet to the floor and my hands to the ceiling. Penny roasted a poker in a fire. The room was sweltering. I was sweating. When it was hot Whitney pressed it into my skin while the Penny held me still. I couldn't move. I could hardly breathe. That pain was worse than anything I have ever felt in my life. It was indescribable pain. It was worse than the beatings. It was worse than the rapes. They branded me like you brand cattle! When she ripped it away she ripped away the dead skin, tearing my flesh. They let me go. Then they watched my spirit break as they said, 'Those are your girlfriend's initials right?'"
Calliope stared at the brand, and without thinking, lowered her lips and kissed it.
"They took you from me. My memory of you was all I had left at that point. You want to know why you are so hard for me? Do you want to know? Because they put their mark on you. They marred you for me. Now whenever I see you I see them. They destroyed me, Calliope. Why the hell are you smiling?!"
Callie stared at her, "Do you hear you?"
"What?"
"You sound like yourself."
"I-"
"You aren't destroyed, Arizona, just broken, hiding."
"Calliope."
"There," she smiled. "You said my name just then, how you used to."
Arizona looked away. "Calliope, it's not that easy."
"Baby, I never said that it was."
"They broke me with that. They took everything that I had. You were how I was clinging to hope, onto myself. And they ripped it away from me when they ripped that hot poker away. When I saw your initials burned into my skin...I didn't care what happened to me anymore. Calliope. You were how I escaped. They couldn't control you. I thought they couldn't. But I was wrong."
"Arizona."
"The only thing they couldn't control was my blood. They couldn't control my bleeding. Bleeding was the only luxury that I had. Bleeding was the only thing that I knew they could never dictate. To feel blood running over my skin was to feel alive."
Callie wasn't smiling anymore. The episode the other day with the glass in Arizona's foot made sense now. "You broke the plate on purpose. Bleeding."
"Luxury," Arizona said. "Humanity."
The terms were synonymous to her. Callie stared at her broken and defeated girlfriend. Humans had the ability to bleed. The ability to think and process pain. Humans had the ability to connect emotions to events. And Arizona had connected blood with relief. Bleeding is a luxury for her, bleeding makes her feel like she is in control.
"Say something."
"What do you want me to say?" Callie asked.
"They branded me this way because they knew your name. Callie I don't know how to move past that. I will always have this. You will always be associated with them."
"Zona, look at it this way," Callie said. "Now I will always be with you. Wherever you go. Whatever you do. I will always be with you."
"Calliope."
"No. You have to find the silver lining," Callie said.
Arizona looked at her and the fierce determination in the brown eyes melted away. Arizona looked so scared and confused. She let her eyes penetrate Arizona's, seeing into the darkness that had infused her soul.
As Arizona looked at Callie all she could see was light. She felt dirty. She wanted to be clean. She wanted to be able to allow herself to feel the way she used to feel about Callie. She wanted to feel safe. "Let me sleep in your arms."
Callie jolted back into reality. Arizona had always insisted that she not be touched. "What?"
"Hold me, Calliope," Arizona whispered. "Let me sleep in your arms tonight."
