Nerissa & Q

Can't Express

"Hey."

❝Hi.❞

"So, what's on your mind?"

❝You know, I never thought I could get to where I am now.❞

"Working at a coffee shop that sounds like a strip club?"

❝No. I never thought I would still be here.❞

"Wait, are you talking about-"

❝It was in middle school. I was bullied. Tons. Lots. My sisters didn't do anything about it. They laughed along with them. It was funny to them, but to me it felt never ending unless...I ended it myself you know?❞

"Nerissa why are you telling me this? It's not that I don't care, it's just it's worrying me now."

❝I told my parents. How I felt. They said I was only a child and I didn't mean it. They were right. I didn't mean it. I said those words that I will never say again because I couldn't express my sadness well enough. I just wanted it all to stop.❞

"Nerissa-"

❝I'm in a better place now, clearly. It was as my parents called it a "phase" where I was emo about everything.❞

"Can you please let me talk?"

❝No. I don't want you to talk. I want you to listen. I need to get this out. I haven't told anyone this in a long time. I never trusted anyone enough. Even if you are still an asshole for the dynamic thing.❞

"Okay. Continue on."

❝Eventually it came back again during freshman year of high school. I didn't know what to do. I didn't tell anyone because I thought it was stupid. I thought I was stupid for thinking such a thing. I still believe that to this day I am stupid. I have so much to live for...❞

"..."

❝The reason I compared myself to my sisters and get insecure was because those bullies would tell me that I will never be as pretty as them or as perfect as they are.❞

"..."

❝I don't even know if this is making any sense. I just wanted to let it out because...I am sad right now. Not to the point where I would say such a thing again or think it, but I am sad. I guess I wanted to tell this because I'm still unsure of how to express my sadness. I thought this would make you understand. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything at al-❞

"You are an amazing human being Nerissa! You think I don't recognize you in the coffee shop giving a free coffee to the homeless man that walks in everyday? When all those other workers and customers give him looks, you are the only one to treat him like an actual human? I don't care if we haven't had a conversation in real life. You are amazing okay? You need to realize that."

❝...I am crying.❞

"Shit. Is it my fault you're crying? No, please don't cry. Oh gosh, I hear your whimpers through the phone. Nerissa, darling, please don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I did right now, but I am sorry."

❝...It's tears of joy.❞

"What?"

❝I just...sometimes I still feel worthless. Today was one of those days. You made me feel happy...it's stupid to cry, but thank you for those kind words.❞

"Don't thank me. I am only stating a fact. Listen, I have to go right now, but I'll call you back later today alright?"

❝Okay...I'll be waiting.❞

"You're also...really...pretty."

❝What? I can't hear you, what did you murmur?❞

"I said you're really pretty."

❝You stare at me when you enter the cafe?❞

"Every time. Creepy, yes, but true."

❝Don't you have to go?❞

"I can skip the event. You're more important."