Behind Dull Eyes (1/2)

~XIII

You're really milking this sympathy bullshit aren't you 

'What are you on about'

You got out knowing damn well your body limits and then force that kid to walk you home, thats pathetic 

'You're always bitching about something'

Ha, you forget I'm the one suffering because of you. I'm trapped in this fucked up mind of yours, forced to listen to everyone of your pathetic thoughts. I was so happy when you got sick cause i thought that would be the fucking end of it but here we are.

'You were happy that I was dying'

Happy was a understatement, I was overjoyed. How does it feel that your own mind wants you dead. Even You want you dead but you're still fucking here. 

'Just be more quiet will you, you're giving me a headache'

You're impossible why don't you just take those pills on the counter and do us a favor 

'ha, don't tempt me, you forget the you enjoy to torment someone right? If I'm gone you won't have anyone to torment'

Do you really think that highly of yourself, you are nothing to me, nothing to anyone and I can replace you just as easy as anyone else in your excuse of a life.

Opening my eyes slowly to the darkness of my room my eyes feeling heavy and tired, running my fingers through my hair before slowly sitting up, feeling my back crack softly. The feeling of weakness spread through my body, fighting the feeling of zero energy throwing my legs over the side of the futon finding solid footing on the ground before attempting to stand, putting my weight on them slowly. Almost feeling like I've taken a dozen steps back like I'm back in the hospital on the verge of not being able to move, slowly walking out of my room using the wall to steady me, walking into the washroom, turning on the tab cold water flowing through splashing some on my face, the coldness helping shrug off the hazing feeling. Glaring at myself in the mirror, my eyes looking tired and dull, my hair in shambles cursing silently running my fingers through it again making it lay differently. Flicking of the light while walking out, watching to figures walk into the living area from the stairs chatting softly before averting their eyes to me, Hanji with a worried look and Eren with a relieved look, 

"Levi you're suppose to be resting" rolling my eyes

"I had to use the restroom hanji, relax"

"Relax! you could hav-"

"I'm glad you're up and walking around" eren gave a soft smile shutting hanji up before glancing at the clock, 9:45pm

"Hey kid, It's almost 10:00pm, might want to check your phone" a look of horror flushed over his face and he pulls out his phone, with a audible displeased sigh, scrolling through it.

"She's gonna kill me" he mumbled 

"How many notifications?" resting my hand against the wall still feeling very tired

"Uh..Six phone calls and over fifteen texts.." me mumbled a little more causing me to smirk slightly 

"I can drive you home if you'd like eren" Hanji commented 

"Oh no that's okay, I actually live just down the street" he smiled nervously looking to me while hanji smiled. He's going to get so sick of you, living so close, ha, I won't be surprised if he moves away because of you. Tightly closing my eyes before breathing deeply

"Are you oka-" looking up to see hanjis hand on Erens shoulder stopping him from getting closer

"I'm fine, don't worry" watching hanji walk into the kitchen filling a glass of water before walking into my room getting my pills walking back, dropping them in my hand giving me the water, not looking away until I had taken them. Downing them quickly while they stood in front of me not letting the kid see me downing the medication. Handing the glass back while he takes it into the kitchen. 

"I should get going, she'll kill me twice if I wait any longer" again laughing nervously 

"We'll have you out" Hanji gesting to the stairs, letting him walk up and walking behind me to make sure I don't fall over or some shit getting a few annoyed glances from me to only get a smile as a response. Reaching the top floor greeted by a smiling Lexi.

"How you feeling Hun?" she asked motherly 

"A little tired is all" forcing a smile for her, causing her expression to soften before walking into the living area as we walked to the front door to see Eren off. Before he walked away turning to me.

"D-do you mind if we talk for a minute before I go? just sitting on the grass with me" glancing over my shoulder before hanji handed me a single cigarette and a lighter looking at eren as I take it.

"You have until he finishes his smoke, then he needs to rest." Eren quickly nodding before i slowly walk down the stairs out into the front sitting on the cold grass, at least it wasn't wet. Getting comfortable, him sitting beside me calmly before lifting the smoke to myself lighting it slowly taking a deep drag. 

"You have questions right, I'm tired so ask them now. I might not tell you otherwise." he was tripping over his words before leveling out making sense, he was nervous while i took calm lightly drags from the smoke. 

"W-why do you live here with Mr/mrs. Zoe"

"My mother isn't around anymore and my 'father' kicked me out of the house." 

"Why did he kick you out"

"'Cause I'm gay" taking another calm drag, really not paying much attention to him only the words his speaking 

"Why do you go to the clinic"

"Because I deal with Schizoaffective disorder or some shit."

"Why did hanji have to rush into the therapy room"

"They told me if I didn't take pills they'd send me to a institution and I had a panic attack."

"Why do you get scared when people try to touch you" there was a heavy silence, even though I feel very numb that question caused my stone expression to falter and he sensed it. 

"You don't hav-"

"I was in a abusive relationship a few years back, they forced me, every time." taking one of the last drags of the smoke, glancing to see a shocked and disgusted expression on his face then it turned to a expression of intense anger.

"Who was it. I'll-"

"There's no point, they aren't even in the country anymore." Glancing at his balled up fist in the grass. 

"Oi, the grass did nothing to you" his expression softened and relaxed his hand before letting out a light laugh. Taking the final drag of the cigarette, before putting it out in the wet grass. 

"The house at the end of the street, the one with the small German flag on the porch. That's my place, so If you need me you know where to find me. Plus you have my number if you need it" watching him stand and timidly extending his hand to me, ignoring it like normal getting up myself before becoming dizzy losing my balance slightly, it may be his reflex when his right hand was placed in the middle of my back and left hand lightly on my shoulder, blinking a few times, my body getting very tense looking up into his eyes, he looked horrified by his hands on me.

"I-I'm not going to do anything to you.." taking a shaking breath feeling dizzy again, the front door opened and I could feel Hanjis energy from where I'm standing and by the look on Erens face its something you wouldn't want to see. Holding up my hand weakly

"I-its alright hanji, I fell, he caught me..that's all" taking a shaking breath as he removes his hands from me. He smiled at me before waving and walking down the road heading to his house. Breathing deeply looking up and hanji who was glaring daggers into Erens back as he walked away. Slowly walking up to the door, lightly slapping hanjis face snapping them out of their chance, looking down at me with a calm look moving letting me in the house before closing the door and locking it.