State Of Mind | sm + cc

:One:

               Sweat continued to beam down my cheeks. I could feel the air blowing in and out of my throat, but I couldn't breathe. I looked down to my veined hands to see them uncontrollably tapping the marble counter.

They only spoke in mumbles. Clear, yet inaudible mumbles. They made my head shake, turn, wobble around like loose change lost in the pockets of an old man. They won't cease with every slap to my head.

My reflection stared back at me. I hated him. Copied everything I did. Of course, I know he's me, but I'm not him. I tilted my head to the side to see stubbles of hair outlining my jawline. I clenched my jaw as my teeth tightened together.

I slowly walked over to my brown, wooden nightstand and opened the top drawer. As I open the drawer, my hand touches the black handle. I jump back a little bit and the sudden shock that had sent through my body. My mind ached from the idea of doing this, but it might make them go away.

They scream my name. Scream whispering, really. It's more like a taunt. They know that I'm anticipating them to burst my eardrums out. Little suckers in my brain is what they are.

I touch the shaft of it once again just for the thrill of it. The longer my finger stays in contact with it, the longer they keep quiet. Power is in my hands. They know the second I pull it, they lose their voice; the only thing they have.

I fully hold grasp of it this time. The only thing I hear now is my breath as it gets heavier and heavier. I quickly blinked my eyes and sat on the edge of my King comforter. I sat on her side of the bed. The plush feel that surrounded my hips made me indulge into a stable place. My hands calmed down. My fingers, however, rewrapped themselves a million times around the sturdy dark helve.

If I pull this trigger, they'll go away. They'll disappear and it will finally be quiet.

They've only become extremely active  recently. Why? I don't know. Maybe I do, I just can't remember.

I licked my lips and lifted the terrifying machine up. It slowly approached my temple as it finally planted itself in place. My eyes had squeezed together. Tears continued to roll out down my puffy cheeks. I had been sobbing all day.

I just wanted them to go away.

Just as I was ready to take it all away, a ringing became prominent through my ears. I dropped the weapon onto the wooden floorboards before me.

They're back.

My head spun to the left as I saw the screen of my cellphone lit up.

Camila Cabello

I couldn't answer it, not in the way I'm in right now. I rushed back into the bathroom and leaned my back against the beige wall. I grabbed a towel and began to wipe my face of the gross tears that dressed my face.

Stop speaking. Stop taunting. Stop it.

I looked back into the stained mirror. Puffy cheeks, red eyes, blotchy skin. Typical. An everyday thing for me. My hand smeared across my physiognomy.

My breath hadn't slowed down, but I was able to breathe, to feel, to somewhat feel alive.

The ringing stopped as my mind became louder and louder. I picked up my cellphone to see that she left a voicemail for me. I lied down on my bed and played it. The second hear voice touched my ear, they stopped. Everything became calm.

"Hey Shawn, call me when you get the chance. I'm on my way home right now... and I just wanted to know if you wanted me to get food on the way back, but I'll just make something there. Ok, I'll see you when I get back. Love you, Baby."