The Other Half of Me (In major editing!)

CHAPTER 24

CHAPTER 24

***Kristen's POV***

I wake up but, its not the bedroom Marcel and I share. Its a hospital bed. I don't remember much. I only remember being in class. What the hell happened to me? I look around and see a body next to my bed. I notice him anywhere I go. Marcel. I notice my hand in his and I squeeze his with all the strengh I have. Which isn't never much. His head shoots up and I see his face is pale, he has stains on his cheeks and he has huge backs under his eyes. I give him a very weak smile and he lunges forward and kisses me. I kiss him back. He pulls away after a good few seconds. I still don't understand any of this.

"Marcel. Why am I here?"

"You got yourself Kristen. The class saw you in the doorway and than you fell. I jumped out of my chair and rushed over. I didn't understand at first, that was until I saw your jacket sleeve was covered in blood. I thought you weren't going to cut yourself again Kristen. You promised me. Why?"

He started to cry again. I knew I lied and now I feel pain for doing it. I can't forgive myself for this. I lied to the one I loved. That is just great, he won't be able to trust me anymore. I can't believe that I did this again. I can't believe that I'm risking my life. I am causing the one I love pain as well. This is brilliant what if I didn't leave the restroom and some girl walked in and found me dead from blood loss. I wouldn't be here with him.

"Marcel. Would you listen to me and let me explain before you walk away from me? I need you too that I am really sorry. I hate that I lied to you, I don't understand why I do any of the things I do anymore. I hate that I am me. I am not a beautiful girl that can't run for homecoming, I can't wear dresses when I want, I am have and always will be self consious. I am trying so hard not to lose you. I love you so much Marcel, I need you to protect me. I need you, no one has loved me like you have. I can't lose you for so many reasons. I am willing to change anything to keep you here with me. I can be the girl you want me to be. I can be a fucking fairy if you want. I just need to know that you won't leave me. I-"

"Kristen I don't want you to change anything. I need to know that you won't hurt yourself when I'm not there with you.  I trust you but, you could have died, I couldn't live with myself knowing that I couldn't have saved you. I am suppose to keep you safe. I can't do that if you are cutting yourself in the girls bathroom." I have to  promise Marcel that I won't do that. I need him to trust me, again. I will not do it again I need another way to get my stress out. I will be with him till the end of time. I am going to do whatever to stay safe with him.

"Marcel, I promise I won't hurt myself ever again. I will not do any harm to myself. I will stay safe for you. I couldn't live with myself knowing that my actions will affect you, I will stay away from a razor, I will only use one to shave my legs and other lady parts. I'm sorry Marcel, I am a screw up. I will need help with it though. I need you to help me get better." 

I don't know how I am going to handle this. I will stay as safe as possible I am going to do it. For Marcel. I need to show him I can get better, I will do anything and eveerything to make sure he is happy. I am just adding to the pain that he has. I can't do that to him. I will carry my own problems and not add onto his plate. I have my problems and he has to already deal with this school bullying, John and his BIG confession, Niall and his trying to be his friend again problem. I will not add any of my problems to that.

"Kristen, baby. I think it might be better if we both go to rehab. I have also been getting thoughts like that. We can't do this. Especially since you did this at school. You need help, we both do. I have already got everything ready, we just need to wait for the clear from the doctor. I don't know if you like that idea but, its for the better. I will not except you putting you through this pain. I will do my best to protect you. That is for us to go to rehab, I know you don't want that. At this point I can't let you choose, I have made the decision and we are both going to rehab. I can't let you go through this anymore. I am getting you cleared this week. I love you, forever and always."

He kissed my head and walked out of the room. What the hell? Why is Marcel taking me to rehab. I don't need that, I can get better on my own. I feel tears coming, I'm going to hold them back. I thought I was ok for Marcel. I knew I wasn't perfect for him but, I didn't think he was going to send me, both of us to rehab. This is crap, I'm not going. I can't go there. Everyone at that place called school will think I will hurt them. I was going to try and make friends. I can't do that when they find out I went to rehab. I am not going to deal with that.

"Marcel. I'm not going to rehab. I want to go to school. I will do better on my own. I don't need them to do anything for me. I can handle it on my own. I quit for the longest, I can get better. I'm going to do it for you. I promise. Marcel please I can I at least try. I can do it, I will do it for you."

"No we are going when you get out and that is final."