Once we get inside and tell the receptionist what it going on, she makes a phone call to the back and a nurse comes right out and takes us to a room. We aren't paying attention to the stares or holy cows as we make our way to the room. Our fame, our status, our popularity, are the farthest thing from our minds. All we want to know is how our girl is doing and if she is going to be ok. Blake is being a rock but from the tightness of his grip on my hand, I know he is just as scared as I am.
I never had anything like this happen with my boys. I mean my labor with Apollo was so quick since he was my third and so tiny. Thats one thing that has me scared. She is my fourth baby and early making her super tiny, so labor is gonna fly. The nurse hooks me up to all the monitors. As she tries to locate the heart beat, I grab Blake's hand and hold on for dear life. As she moves the probe around the tension in the room couldn't be any thicker. Just as we are about to explode from fear we hear that little thump thump.
"There it is. Baby didn't want to cooperate with me there for a minute." The nurse giggles as she secures the monitors in place.
Blake and release a breath we hadn't known we were holding. Blake's hand wrap around my belly and kisses the top before kiss my lips. Tears are falling down his face. We know that this doesn't mean she is going to remain ok but knowing that right now she is ok, we needed that. They tell me not to stress that it can make matters worst. How am I supposed to not stress, it's life or death for my baby. My baby girl. The one Blake and I thought wasn't possible. The baby that I cried over not being able to give Blake. The baby Miranda denied Blake. And quite frankly the baby my ex denied me.
Growing up I pictured my family just as my parents. Two completely in love parents who stay together forever, with four kids to show for there love. Just as Blake always wanted kids and in the beginnings believed Miranda did too. Here we are with lives nothing like what we pictured. We never picture we would be divorced. We never pictured find new real love. We never pictured having a baby together. We never pictured being in the hospital two months early having our baby.
We sit in silence waiting for the doctor. The silence isn't awkward, it's a thinking silence. You can almost hear the questions that are playing in our heads. Suddenly I feel that need that comes when I have been in physical contact with Blake in few minutes while sitting next to him. I reach out and grab his hand. Holding on to it for dear life as we continue to wait. He runs his other hand over my head before placing a kiss on my forehead. His forehead kisses are the best.
"Blake what if something happens to her? Are we gonna make it? You won't hate me will you? Because I wouldn't blame you but I don't think I could live without you babe."
" Gwen is this what's been running through your head this hole time? Sunshine what makes you think I would leave you if something happens to her? There is nothing, absolutely nothing Gwen that you could do that would make me hate you. I hate that you have so much self doubt, and no self worth. I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life showing you your worth Gwen. As for our baby" he says placing his free hand on my belly "but whatever does happen we will get through it, together."
He kisses me soft and sweet as the doctor opens the door. She smiles as she walk in.
"Well now I didn't expect to see you three here so soon. But the heart monitor is looking great. The only thing I'm concerned about here is you aren't contracting, which is odd since we have been dealing with them the whole pregnancy. So I think the plan should be to start you on some pitocin, and get this labor going." The doctor tells us
"Do u think she gonna be alright? I mean my due date isn't for two more months." I ask
"Well that's something we will have to see. But we deliver babies that are ten weeks younger than her and yes the spend a lot of time in the nicu, but they do relatively well. The thing to remember is that we have all the tools we need to take care of her."
