We sit in the same room where we first learned about our sons heart. After the ultrasound they brought us back to this room to wait while the doctor reviews the ultrasound. The fear and tension in the room is so thick it isn't funny.
"So we picked out his middle name, what about first name ideas?" Blake asks
I can tell what he is try to do and I appreciate it really.
"Well what are your thoughts on summit?"
"Summit Richie Shelton. I kinda like the flow of that."
"Yeah you really like it? Like you don't think it's crazy?"
"No absolutely not I mean I actually expected it to be a little more weird." He chuckles
I give him a look that says "what's that supposed to mean?"
He throws his hands up in an I surrender pose.
"I just mean you've been very creative with all our kids and this one seems to be the most normal. However for me I know that's probably because of using Richie's name."
We both fall silent again. The gravity of the situation invading the room.
"Gwen?"
"Yeah babe?"
"Everything's gonna be ok right? WE are gonna be ok right?"
"Oh babe." I wrap my arms around his neck and he buries his head in my neck
"I don't know what's gonna happen with Summit but I can tell you that WE, you and I will alway be ok. Your my best friend and I can never lose you. NEVER!"
He cried into my shirt for a few minutes till we heard the impending knock on the door, knowing that the moment is finally here. She opens the door and comes in saying hi shaking our hands. As she moves to sit on the chair in front of us, my heart sinks. She doesn't need the doctor to tell her the answer. She already knows and it's literally breaking her.
"So I was looking over the ultrasound and unfortunately it didn't show what we had hoped it would. So what does that mean? Well it means he will have to have surgery when he is born. What I'm going to do is refer you to a pediatric cardiologist who you will meet with before the baby is born so he can prepare you for what will happen."
Tears stream down my face but I'm not nearly as upset as I expected. I think it's because deep down I knew the whole time. Call it mothers intuition. Call it a feeling. Call it what ever you want but I knew. I did my grieving the past few weeks. Blake however loses his composure and falls totally apart in my arms.
"What do we do next?" I ask her
"The next step her is to meet with the pediatric cardiologist and let him see the ultrasounds and he will lead from there."
"Can you tell us who the best are? I don't care where they are I just want the best to take care of him."
"Right now the leading pediatric cardiologist is in Boston. Is that where you would like the referral for?"
"Yes please. Thank you for your help."
"No thanks needed it was my pleasure."
