The Missing

5. Broken

It has been a week of being here and he has raped me over 10 times. I feel so used and broken. I just can't imagine what Jenna is going through. I hope she has it better than me.  He still hasn't even brought me my clothes. He rarely gives me food. I have been fed maybe four times since I've been here. He threatens to sell me and Jenna often.  He beats me a lot so I know I can't make any noise or try to get out. 

I'm not allowed to resist him or else he will beat me with a belt and if I speak to loud he will kick me. I have many bruises, but I don't cry everyday anymore, because you can't show your tears to your enemies. You have to be strong. This is what my mother told me when the kids were mean to me. I miss her and everyone else. I feel so alone all the time. I have to depend on him for company.

The man, never told me his name yet. I want to ask him, but I'm scared to. When he comes in with food I decide to ask him. "Please wait." I say and he turns and looks at me. "May I ask what your name is?" I ask scared to upset him. 

"Well my dear. I guess you may," He says and smiles at me. "I'm John." He tells me before shutting the door. John don't sound like an awful mans name, but he is a very bad person. Don't matter what his name is. I've heard people say John upstairs before. 

The next day John brings me down a box. He leaves after talking to me then I open the box to see a pair of undergarments, a blanket and a pillow. In the bottom of the box there is a small book only a few inches bigger than my hand and a pencil. I open it and see it is a diary, too bad I don't remember what the number of day is. I'll just have to write 'today'.

He gave me something to vent to. Its like having someone, but nobody is there. At least it is better than nothing. I look at all the blank pages in them wondering how much I'll have filled out before I get home.

I put on the clothes he gave me then wrapped myself in the big warm blanket. I am thankful that he brought me this stuff, I don't get anything anymore. It gets very cold down here in the basement all the times. I felt like I had a cold one day.

I lay and think about what I will do when I get home, or at least when I see Jenna. I sit against the wall for a very long time writing in the diary that he gave me. I wrote this: 

Today John gave me a blanket and pillow, I am glad he brought me those things because normally I lay on the cold cement floor. I have learned that if I listen to him he will be nicer to me. I'm not allowed to make any noise or fight. I've been feeling pretty alone and broken, but he tells me that I am not allowed to be sad around him. I try to look happy so he don't get mad, but sometimes it don't work. 

I decided that was the best way to describe my day. It may sound like I like having him around, but that is no where near the truth. I just need to act this way to stay alive. He could've killed me by now if I didn't listen to him.

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