TINDER❥ || Scömìche

{ 26 }

The movie ended.
The fact that it was a terrible horror movie didn't bother me anymore.
I was in trance and couldn't stop reimagining what has happened.
I still felt his hands touching my body. The nice enjoyable and tingling feeling.
Without wanting to I smiled.

Anyways the film was over and we still sat awkwardly next to each other.
What should I do now?
"Let's go!", Scott said and stood up after the closing credits ended and everyone has already left.
I nodded, grabbed my stuff and left after him.
We didn't talk and that was fucking irritating and unsettling.
We walked over to the exit and stood still.
"Soooo, I guess good bye?", he asked. Again he was the one who said something. He must think I'm a total idiot.
"Yes", I whispered my voice slightly cracking.
He quickly hugged me to bid goodbye.
"Bye, Mitchy!", Scott waved and walked away.
He didn't smile a lot. Probably because he was as uncomfortable as me.
The thing that made me super happy is that he called me Mitchy for the first time!
The thing that disturbed me and left me behind was that he didn't say "See you"!
Does that mean he didn't want to see me again?
That everything is over?
And it sure was my fault!
Why do I always have to ruin things.
It's so clear he isn't into me and I was needy and desperate and told him to touch me.
Wait! What if he actually didn't want to?
What if he just did it because he felt guilty and bad?
Is that abuse?
Did I abuse him in a soft way?
I felt my eyes getting wet and I didn't hesitate to run out of the cinema, get into the bus and drove home while burrying my face in my hands.
There even was an old man who asked if I was okay.
I sniffed and nodded smiling then going back into my old position.

I entered my flat and threw my bag into a corner runnig into the bedroom and laid on my king size bed.
It's my fault! All my fault!
I again ruined everything! I bet he didn't even want to see me again, what if he goes to the police?
That would ruin even more!
My whole career!
This was such a bad bad idea.
Why did I have to be that needy and desperate?

I didn't want to but felt like I should clear the whole thing up.
After another minute I slowly got up wiping of the the few tears which I hadn't even noticed.
I walked through the rooms to my bag, pulled my phone out and tentatively opened our chat.
What should I write?
I began typing.

me: hey

A short message but maybe it's enough.
I had no idea what I should do for the rest of the day but sit at the table and stare at my phone waiting for Scott's replay.
15 minutes later I woke up from my super short nap and without hesitation I grabbed my cellphone again to see if Scott texted back.
No. He didn't.
But he saw it.
Why didn't he answer?
Would it be too pushy to write again?
Fuck it! It's already over anyway!

me: how are you?

Send.
This time it didn't take long until he went online and the seen sign showed up again.
I waited for a response but didn't get it.
He went offline again.
Why the fuck couldn't he just write one word?
Was it that difficult?
That would be more than enough actually!
Was he that mad?
I gradually became angry!

me: Why don't you answer me? Was it that wrong? Are you that mad? Fucking tell me please!

me: please

By now I was really angry!
I cursed myself for thinking that he liked it for only one second.
It was clear from the very beginning that he didn't like me ... that way.

Scott was online again and this time I saw he was typing.

Scott: we need to talk. Tomorrow at 12pm, Starbucks.

me: k

No! I didn't want to talk to him in real life!
I was too scared to loose my face and cry or get angry and aggressive.
But was it that important to him?
Did he really feel that uncomfortable?
I got sad and decided to turn off my phone to avoid more drepessing things.
I got ready for bed and laid down thinking about random stuff before falling asleep.