I'll be your saviour // kellic

Chapter Five.

Later that night, the two boys lay in Vic’s bed. It was almost two in the morning and Kellin couldn’t sleep. He kept tossing and turning, not being able to find the right position. Even when he did find a comfortable position he was reminded of what was done to him. He couldn’t close his eyes without having an image appear in front of him.

Kellin groaned internally and quietly got up. He searched for the bathroom, not yet knowing the house. He closed the door, not locking it because everyone was asleep, and stared at his reflection. Kellin felt disgusted at what was looking back at him. Under the bruises you could see the bags that lingered underneath his now a dull brownish green. There were no longer any traces of the blue that appeared in his eyes now and then.

It was nothing new for Kellin to feel disgusted with his self. He felt that way every day and his dad made sure he knew it. His dad would make Kellin feel more and more worthless then what he already felt. He knew just what made Kellin snap and that was bringing up his mother. He used Kellin’s mom against him, knowing how he would feel even worse about his life.

Kellin tried to block out everything his dad said about his mom, knowing none of it was true. Kellin knew his mother didn’t leave because she hated him. No, she left because Kellin told her too. He didn’t want his mom to get abused by his father like she did before. He knew his mom loved him, even if she stopped calling him.

Kellin took a few deep breaths to stop from punching the mirror, which showed him the broken person he was. He needed to feel something other than the pain he felt inside. He needed to feel the pain only a razor could bring him. Only then did Kellin realize that he didn’t have a razor on him. He pondered the thought for a few seconds before deciding to look within the cabinets.

In the very back of the cabinet, beneath the sink, he found a pack of unused razors. He grabbed one and sat on the toilet seat. He pushed up his many bracelets, revealing the healing cuts over the fading scars.

He pressed the cold metal to the skin on his wrist. He dragged the metal painfully slow over the skin. The blood started to form from the freshly made cut and Kellin watched it start to run down his arm. The corners of his month tugged into a small, satisfied, smile.

          “Worthless.”

          “Pathetic."

          “Weak.”

          “Waste of space.”

          “Faggot.”

          “Ugly.”

          “Fat.”

With every word Kellin whispered, he made a new cut. The blood was flowing and dripping to the floor around his feet. He gazed at the eight red lines, a smile on his face. Is smile was only there for just a moment before he heard a gasp. His eyes widened in fear when he met Vic’s gaze. Kellin yelled at himself for not locking the door.

Vic stared at Kellin’s slashed wrist and the blood on the floor. He shut the bathroom door and walked over to Kellin. He took the razor from his hand, throwing it away in the trash bin. He led Kellin to the sink and ran his wrist under the hot water. Kellin hissed at the contact but didn’t complain.

“Why would you do this, Kells?” Vic didn’t look at Kellin, he was focused on cleaning his cuts. Kellin’s heart fluttered a bit and his cheeks turned a faint pink at the nickname. Kellin wasn’t sure if he could tell Vic, but a part of him wanted to pour his heart out to the Mexican.

 “I…just needed to do it. It was nagging me to just cut myself open. I’ve been doing this since my mom left, four years ago. I do it every time I feel worthless.” Kellin admitted. Vic snapped his eyes to Kellin’s, his wrist going untended. Kellin was afraid that Vic would yell at him and tell him how stupid he was for doing that to his skin.

“You are not worthless. You mean something. You mean something to me and I know we haven’t known each other for long, but I care about you. A lot. You mean something to me and it hurts to know that you hurt yourself and think you are nothing. Kellin, I use to go through the same thing as you. I almost killed myself but I didn’t. I know how you feel. I know how good it feels to take a razor to your skin. But then I realized, that there are people out there who would miss me. There is something to live for, either it be now or later. I had to try for my brother and my parents. And Kellin, I would miss you. And I mean that; with everything in me." (This part goes to my best friend. I love you and stay strong. @mrs_lirrystayne)

Kellin was at a loss of words. He didn’t know what to think, nor did he know what to say. He wrapped his arms tightly around the older boy, embracing him in a tight hug. Vic wrapped his own arms around the younger ones waist and felt a few tears fall onto his bare shoulder.

 “Don’t cry Kellin.” Vic said softly. He pulled away from Kellin and grabbed some bandages from the cabinet. He wrapped the white gaze around the eight deep wounds before placing his lips over it. A quiet whimper escaped from Kellin and he pulled his wrist away.