The Bitch You Killed

A Message from the Author

If you're reading this, I want to say a big thank-you. Without the support of those in the wattpad community TBYK wouldn't have existed. I was 16 when I began TBYK and 18 when it finished. I'm 22 now and I really struggle to read through any of the chapters without cringing. TBYK has been my biggest achievement but it has also become my biggest source of anxiety at times. I think that stems from self criticism.

Regardless of that, this story has over 1 million reads which is insane. I would never have imagined at the age of 16 that I would write something that would have had this kind of attention.

I've been pretty absent from writing on wattpad in the last few years, but I've never forgotten about what an experience it was to write TBYK. This was the first time I ever really put myself out there. I wrote TBYK for me, because I was bored reading the same thing over and over on wattpad and I just thought - why not? If you feel like that right now, write it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I know there's a number of mistakes in the novel and I feel like I owe you some answers about why the novel ran the way it did, especially in regards to the characters.

My intention was never to make Khloe a likeable character. She was a self confessed bitch who bullied her peers. She thought that her actions were justifiable because she was doing it to fit into her new role but they weren't. Another important thing to remember is that since this entire novel is from her perspective, her character has the ability to manipulate the readers, much like Mackenzie manipulated everyone else. In her view, she was always the victim, but while she admitted to bullying people, she never shares the extent. In her head, it didn't really matter what scars or tears she caused as they weren't her own.

Tyler's character was too good to be true from the beginning. In my head I think he did love Khloe in some sort of twisted way. I think she was some sort of beacon of light in the darkness of his personal life. Her leaving him was part of the cause of his depression and subsequent suicide attempt as well as a number of other factors. That doesn't make what he did okay, but he was vulnerable to Mack's manipulation and since he confessed some will say he atoned for his sins.

Then we have the sinister character herself. The real villain on the novel was always supposed to be Mackenzie. If you read bonus chapter 2, you'll see how she has been diagnosed with a personality disorder, stemming from a loveless childhood. Children are susceptible to emotional trauma and while they appear resilient it can affect them in later life. Mack's mother was an unsavoury character despite never actually being introduced. Mackenzie's confidence with her sexuality is something which is shamed in the story because she uses it for the manipulation of men to get what she wants. She knows when they're vulnerable and uses it to an advantage. Mack argues that her actions weren't hers but a voice in her head. Her therapist ignores her for fears that she may be manipulating her. This is important because I think some people may feel sorry for Mack at this point. Mack isn't supposed to be liked, in her bonus chapter she has the ability to manipulate the reader, like Khloe had throughout the novel. Her therapist believes she's trying to manipulate her by blaming a voice, and this is potentially true.

Chase is an anomaly in the story. He wasn't supposed to even become important but I wanted to explore how far siblings could go before the protected each other. When I was writing, Chase's love for Khloe just seemed to bloom from somewhere I never even considered. He learned to love her but by then it was slightly too late. He missed out on a lot and that's partly why he's in a relationship with Annabelle. He's afraid of missing out on love and a connection again, despite the fact it's two different kinds of love, he refuses to turn his back on the possibility and so ends up with Annabelle.

Caleb was portrayed as the big bad ex boyfriend. It's important to remember that he was infatuated with Khloe but it was unrequited. She used him for his own gain and this was a stepping stone in his drug addiction. Caleb became a different person with his addiction. More volatile, more abusive and more resentful of Khloe. It's easy to understand why he did what he did, that doesn't make it okay, it just makes sense in a twisted sort of way.

Mike was an irrelevant character but as Caleb's friend I wanted to highlight the power of friendship. Sometimes always supporting your friends isn't a good thing. Don't be Mike, think of how it will affect you before you take part.

Annabelle was a bitch but not as much as Khloe. Annabelle just wanted to fit in, like how Khloe did, and ended up getting sucked into the wrong crowd. After Khloe died, she backed off from everyone involved and her first appearance was Caleb's funeral but she didn't necessarily go to the grave to be with the rest of them. She wanted to be respectful but also wanted to close that chapter of her life. She couldn't tell who killed Khloe without getting herself in trouble. Chase used her for information which resulted in a death. She overcame this because she loved him and they had a connection. They had both been persuaded to have a part in someone else's death. That sort of guilt would be hard to bare so it's only natural they were drawn to each other due to their similar experiences.

Jackson wasn't supposed to know Khloe was there. He was supposed to be a shit cop who always made Higgins face-palm. But then suddenly he became an actual character and some sort of weird paranormal romance developed and it broke my heart not being able to allow them to even try at a relationship. Part of me regrets bringing him into it as any more than that stupid bumbling cop, accidentally stumbling over her knicker drawer. At the same time, Jackson is present in BAD BLOOD (the TBYK SPIN OFF which is on my profile) because I wanted to explore Marnie and Alec's characters, relationship and their past.

Alec and Marnie were similar to Jackson in that they were purely accidental. I couldn't explain how Khloe knew how to suitably 'ghost' without an explanation so that brought Marnie in and then I felt bad leaving Marnie to fend for herself when Khloe pissed off to heaven so I introduced Alec. In the end I loved them both so much I decided to make a completely new book for them.

Higgins was the good cop in TBYK so I thought it was fitting that he would be the bad cop in BAD BLOOD.

If you haven't checked BAD BLOOD out yet, I suggest you do as there is still a lot more of Khloe to come.

I'm sorry this turned out so rambly, I just wanted to justify the reasoning behind things in a more structured way as god only knows that book was a bit jumbled.

This will be the very last part to be added to this book, thanks for all of the support!! I will never forget the experience of writing and posting a book for the first time and that's all thanks to those of you who read, voted, commented and sent me pms.

If you have any other questions leave them in the comments or pm and I'll reply to them.

Thanks for everything,

Rachel // longtimegone

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