Changing Me

Figuring out the big secret

I guess now that I know that my mother is a druggie and a drunk I am afraid that she might be in a ditch or a grave somewhere. So want to know where she is cause that's all I know about her yeah she is my mother but  I don't remember anything about her and I have no memories about her. But I have a feeling that she is just the same.

I have looked for a picture of her for as long as I could remember but there are none. Anywhere. I don't know what she did but there is none at Great Aunt Aggie's. I have asked her so many times and she just shuts it down each and every time. She knows how much this means to me but she doesn't want me to know what she is spending so much time to hide.

But I know that she loves me so much but i just want to meet my mother!!!! Does she not realize how much this means to me? I wonder if my mom knows that I want to meet her again. Does she want to see me, well I guess I will never know. 

***In a dream***                                                                                                                                         I was wandering around my Aunt's house when i was about seven and there was this box that was just sitting in my room the day i moved in with her. She said that she hadn't been in the room since it was my mom's old room. I guess she didn't want to think about the past so she locked the room. She saw the box and ran straight to it and said " if you ever see this box do not under any circumstances open this box you have to promise me" I didn't really understand why she didn't want me to open the box but i agreed and said "okay".

***Real life***                                                                                                                                             I was cleaning out the attic and i stood up on the floor and there was a ton of boxes and old furniture. But then, I spotted a specific box that stood out it wasn't cardboard and it was covered in blankets in the back of the room. So i had to clean my way to it, by the time i got to it I had found a bunch of old pictures of my mom and old clothes. But then i took all the blankets off of the box and it was a foot chest with the name Jennia hand carved into it by a steady handed person. It took one of the blankets and wiped off all the dust from the chest. It was made of an old cedar tree. I wanted to open it but i was worried what if my Aunt came up. So I decided to finish cleaning.

After I finished cleaning I went to my room with some old pictures of my mom there is a picture of us together, she looked happy i wander what happened. Was it something that i had done? Well i guess all i can do is search. And hope and pray that Aunt Aggie doesn't run out of vodka.

I decided to open the box....