Changing Me

The memories

I was walking around a big house in a little pink dress and a doll in my hand. There she was my mother sitting there in a chair talking to my aunt about something she was crying she said " I have to there is no other way to do this. If you won't take her then I will have to leave her somewhere i am scared. I don't know what to do." My aunt sat there and said " there is always another way. believe it or not you can do it. I did it look at your sister. she has her life put back together right where she left it." 

My mom has a sister...................... Why have I never heard of her before. Was she a secret. 

Then my mom stood up and walked over to me and said " I love you so much you wouldn't even believe but I can't do this right now. I will come find you one day. It may be a long time from now. but all I'm asking for is for you to never give up hope and never deny me when i find you."

I never could remember the last time I saw my mother. I thought that she didn't care about me I thought that she wouldn't ever want to find me cause it was my fault. I guess I listened to everyone and no one at the same time.

She said she was going to the store and she would be back sometime. I guess that over ten years is what she meant. I remember sitting there on the neighbors porch. As the lady pulled up to her garage. The look. The one that says " what is she doing?" 

And I remember when the social workers came to get me from her porch. they asked where my mother was i said "she is at the store but she is coming back she said she was!" They gave me the look of pity that said She isn't coming back......

Then I woke up......