Twenty-two letters to Liam

Letter seven

Letter seven

Madison Smith

London, England.

8 October 2012

Dear Liam

So, everybody hates me. Everybody calls me slut and whore. I'm serious Li. Everybody hates me. I don't know what I did wrong. Yes, she told everything to Talischa. Of course she did! I would have done the same thing. Well, that's not true. I would never do something like that. I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I'm helpless, and scared Liam. So scared.

I wish I had you. To protect me. If I'll ever meet you Liam, would you do it? Would you stay with me? Hold me, and never let me go? It does happen in my dreams. It's not like I necessarily need you, I just need somebody who loves me. Who treats me right. Who treats me like they would want to be treated. Most boys just play with your feelings. They make you feel like your able to fly. They let you fly so high, that when you fall, you'll have an injury. You heart is broken.

Not every boy is like that, but most are.

A little update on my life. I watched the x-Factor. Did you see union J? George Shelley is so cute!

I smile widely while writing it down. Isn't it weird to write this to Liam? He is a guy after all. Well, it's not like he reads this anyway.

Today I played with homeless children. It sound weird, homeless children in London, but there are a lot of them. Today I realized someones life can be. Those children don't have decent clothes, parents, family or friends, no warm bed to sleep in at night. The only thing they have are dreams. Dreams that probably won't come true. We're able to whatever we want Liam. We can make our dreams come true because people are supporting us. We've got money, a home.. They have nothing.

The most beautiful part of the story is that every child has their own unique and special story. You know, I was the only one who participated in this project, and when I came back home everyone walked away from me, because they thought I was infected or something. They keep getting more and more childish every day.

Anyway, like I said, every kid has their own special story. Every kid has their own talent. Today I helped a little girl. She was about 9 or 10 or something. She saw I was struggling with something. She noticed that I was quiet, and she could see the pain in my eyes. I told her how I felt, and I don't know why. Maybe because I don't know her. Maybe that's why she would never tell anyone else. I told her, that sometimes I feel like an angel, who isn't able to spread her wings, because she is afraid to fall. The answer she gave me was almost identical to what I wanted to say Liam. It really touched me, because she knows how I feel. It was so special. She explained to me how I really felt, in just three or four sentences. Something I was unable to do for my whole life, because I couldn't find the words to explain. ''You can't spread your wings because there's to much weight on your shoulders, and you can't just drop it, because you're afraid to make the same mistakes you made before. You're just afraid to suffer.'

Isn't that beautiful Liam? I'll probably never forget those sentences. I invited her to my room before she left. She's so smart and wise for her age. We drank tea together, and we talked about my life. We didn't even talk about hers! She told me that if I wanted to move on, I should give the past a place in my heart and that I had to accept it. It's the only solution. Today, I feel really confident, because I made a decision. Today is the first day of my life. The first day of my real life. The first day of Maddy's life, and not Madison's. It's the first day i'm smiling, not crying. The first day the sun shines. I'm starting over. I'm going to fix everything I ever fucked up, and i'm gonna accept myself. I'm going to forget everything I've been through. It's the first day of the new Maddy.

It's never to late to become who you've always wanted to be.

Love,

Maddy.

-

'' Today when I was cycling, and there was a boy beside me. It was silent for a long time. After a while, he asked me why I was crying. I told him the story Maddy told the little orphan. About feeling like an angel without wings. He answered me the exact same thing as the little girl answered Maddy. I'm so thankful that he saved my life, and I can't seem to forget him. It was really special. He didn't say much, he just gave me the feeling he was there for me if I wanted to talk. I needed that. So, today I'm starting a new life. I'm gonna ignore the awful thoughts. I'm gonna accept myself. I'm not going to change though. I won't change for anyone. I might not be perfect, but I am who I want to be, and that's where it's all about. We should all do it. I want to be able to laugh again, about small things in my life, like I used to do '' ~ Rose (The girl who originally wrote 22LTL)

I felt like this A/N from the original Dutch version was to important to be left out. So here you go.

''Forget the past

Forgive yourself

And begin again''