Risk

10

Kiefer

I'm not sure how long I was awake just watching Mika sleep. It could have been minutes, maybe hours. I just can't look away from her.

She's lying there on her side, facing me, eyebrows furrowed tightly together, her mouth opened slightly as if she's having a bad dream.

Siguro she's thinking about what happened last night when we went out sa Taguig. Kahit kasi ako, hindi mawala sa isip ko yon.

I followed her, too far away to get her attention, but not far enough to see those assholes who touched her.

Even thinking about it now made my jaw clench and my heart race. How could she be so stupid?

And how could she think I didn't care about her anymore?

"Why do you care ba?" She asked me.

I was taken aback by that. She really thinks I stopped caring about her.

God knows I would care about Mika for the rest of my life. I would protect her forever, even if she doesn't want me around anymore.

To say I was shocked by my own reaction will be an understatement.

I was mad—unang-una sa kanya for being so careless, pangalawa don sa mga walang kwentang, walang modong, mga siraulong lalaking hinawakan sya.

But on the latter part of it—when she was standing there with her arms wrapped around me—I knew it wasn't just anger I was feeling. It was love.

I never stopped loving Mika. Even though ilang beses ko ng sinubukan na tumigil. I tried to push my feelings away to make it easier to let go, but I was weak.

I can't let her go.

I can't let her go without sorting out all of the craps we've been through first. We have to weigh things. We have to talk.

Even if we don't get back together. Even if we don't change anything... at least we wouldn't leave things like this—both of us hating each other, having negative feelings toward one another.

I need to talk to Mika. Really talk to her.

We need to get everything out in the open.

I know there are things that are needed to be said. I know Mika is still hurting over everything that happened—I am, too.

The misunderstandings that happened between us—that had torn us apart—seem almost laughable now.

It's just one confusion after another, after another.

I need her to realize that I never meant to hurt her.

I need to tell her I understand what she means now—kung bakit sya nagalit. Why I shouldn't have let things with Trinca progress the way it had.

I need her to know that I never meant to push her feelings aside. I never meant to make her think I stopped caring.

I need her to know I love her. That I will always love her.And that I never want anyone else except her.

And I need her to know how much it hurts that she doubted me. How much it hurts that she doesn't trust me anymore. How much it fucking killed me to see her on our ouch inside our home with Joshua Torralba.