Risk

15

Mika

I would never get tired of the feeling of Kiefer's arms wrapped around me as we sleep.

My back is firmly up against his chest, his arm is draping securely around my waist. It feels much like the day na muntikan na kong malunod and I asked him to hold me.

Only this time, the gesture holds more meaning. And we both know that.

Last night has been... intense, to say the least.

Everything—everything—that has been on our minds, that has been torturing us, came pouring out. Sobrang sarap sa pakiramdam na napag-usapan namin lahat ng bagay na naging problema naming dalawa.

I can see it in Kiefer's eyes the night he found me and Joshua on our couch together, and last night during our heated argument—he had never meant to hurt me.

I understood at that moment that he was sincere and for some unexplainable reason he wants me. I am enough for him.

Yes. By some miracle... I am enough. He made me feel like I was enough.

And kahit na napag-usapan na namin yung tungkol kay Joshua at napaliwanag ko na hindi ko sya gusto at walang namamagitan samin, hindi ko pa din maiwasan na maramdaman yung guilt.

I doubted Kiefer about his faithfulness and yet ako yung naging unfaithful saming dalawa.

That's why I decided that I should show him—tell him—that what I had done and thought about doing with Josh meant nothing.

I didn't turn to him because I found him attractive. I was just looking for a shoulder to cry on and some comfort and I used him. I used Josh.

I think I owe Joshua an apology too.

Isa pa, alam ko naman na madami pa kaming kailangang ayusin ni Kiefer. We've been through hell these past few months but after last night, after we let all of our issues out in the open, I have no doubt that we would make it.

We're not going to hide our issues from each other anymore.

I don't want to be without Kiefer again.

I can't.

I felt him move behind me and I faked that I'm still tulog. Ewan ko, pero I suddenly felt a little awkward and hindi ko alam kung ano ba dapat gawin in the morning after you and your almost-ex-husband... you know.

I mean, three months kaming hiwalay. I know naman na hindi dahil lang sa nagka-usap na kaming dalawa biglang poof... back to old Mika and Kiefer na kami.

I know it wouldn't simply fall back to that.

It will probably take some time for us to go back to where we were.

The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that there is no going back to the way we were.

Pretension. Done.

Acting. Done.

Fake love... nah, there wasn't fake love there.

Those thoughts—us making something new, something stronger—made me smile.

"Mika..." I heard him whisper as he placed a soft kiss on the back of my head and grabbed my waist tightening slightly.