Start Again

Chapter Twenty

Joon Soo

We sat in the car in silence. The radio was off and Audrey stared out the window. The lines on the road become a blur as we drove along.

I realised today that I shouldn't have come here, her words echoed in my head. My grip on the wheel tightened.

I knew that letting people in only leads to me getting hurt.

I knew she was feeling like this when we met, but we were finally getting close. What changed? What happened? Why wouldn't she tell me? Did I do something wrong?

I'm going back to Hoju.

How do I get her to talk to me and change her mind?

We had finally arrived at SNU. Before I could get in a word, she had unbuckled her seatbelt and was already out the door. I followed her out of the car, leaving my car running behind me in the progress. She already had a big start on me. She was running away.

*

I walked out of my room to the kitchen to grab a drink, when I saw Min Ho sneaking in through the front door. I glanced at the clock on the wall.

"You're home late," I commented.

Min Ho's gaze snapped up, meeting mine. He hadn't known I was standing there. "Yeah... I had some things to do." He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water.

My eyes raked over him. He was hiding his face from me beneath his hoody.

"How has work been lately?"

He nodded. "It's been okay. We've got a big deal coming in."

"Do you like working with dad?"

"It's not what I wanted to do..."

"What did you want to do?"

A sigh left Min Ho's mouth. "Nothing. I wanted to run dad's business."

My eyebrows furrowed at his confusing answer.

"I'll be leaving first."

As he turned to leave, I caught a glimpse of his face, the kitchen light illuminated his puffy red eyes. Instincitvely, I reached my hand out to him, grabbing him by the shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Never better." He pulled himself out of my grip and continued walking.

I wanted to run after him. I wanted to ask him what was wrong. But I figured he'd work things out himself eventually. My older brother was strong.

My family had always told each other to not look back and regret what we didn't do for Min Ho. We wouldn't be able to go on living that way. We could take more chances now and reach out to those around us. But I still can't shake the look on his face that day whenever I see someone upset. If I had followed him, would he have still been here?

Min Ho died a week later.

*

"Audrey, please stop. Can we talk about this?"

She said nothing, and instead walked faster.

"Talk to me. I'm here for you. Don't give up on Hanguk. Don't give up on your friends. Don't leave."