Start Again

Chapter Forty-Three

Audrey

One month after Joon Soo's discharge, I awoke to a missed call.

"Hi Audrey," the voice message said, "it's Joon Soo's eomma. If you have time today, could you meet me at the café by Joon Soo's work? I have something to talk to you about."

I sent her a text that I can meet her there at 2pm and she texted back immediately that she will see me then.

I was rather confused by the idea. Normally, she would just come by here and talk to me. Why did we have to meet out this time?

*

She was already waiting for me when I arrived, a coffee half empty. I sat down across from her and placed an order for a tea.

"What did you want to talk about?"

She let out a sigh and leaned forward. "He's not getting better, Audrey. We went for another check up with the doctor today."

I nodded. "Maybe it will take longer then. That's okay."

"Audrey... The doctor said the damage is probably permanent."

"But if it's only probably, he still might recover. We just have to be patient, eomeoni."

"Audrey. He's not going to remember you."

I fell silent. What was she trying to say? What was she doing?

"I feel so bad about this. We had so many issues in the beginning. Perhaps if I accepted you in the first place, he never would have moved out of home, then he wouldn't have driven on that road..." She began to cry. "I'm so sorry, Audrey. I was really beginning to like you."

"What are you saying? I'm not going anywhere. If he won't remember me, then we can always start again. He fell for me once, he will—"

"Audrey. You're still young. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Don't damage your heart any more by waiting around for him."

"I promised Joon Soo I would never give up on him again and I intend to keep that promise."

"How are you going to get him to fall back in love with you in two months?"

"Why two months?"

"Did you forget you're not on your student visa anymore? You only get ninety days to visit here without a visa."

"Then I will apply for one."

"Under what purpose? To work? You haven't completed your degree."

"I will graduate and come back."

"And what if Joon Soo has moved on by the time you come back?"

I fell quiet. I finally understood what she was hinting at. Joon Soo's Eomma wasn't worried about our time. She didn't want me with her son. This whole time has been a rouse to stay in Joon Soo's good books. Now that her son wouldn't remember me, she was free to behave as she wished.

"We fell in love in two months last time. We will do it again."

"Not to the point that he'd marry you."

"Why are you doing this? Why do you not want us to be together?"

"It's not for me, Audrey. It's for you." I could hear the lie in her voice. "You're still young. You can go back to Australia and start again. You two had a rocky relationship anyway. You'll be better off."

My tea finally arrived, but instead of drinking it, I threw some money down and walked out of the building.

I didn't go home straight away. Instead, I visited the park Joon Soo and I went to when we saw the cherry blossoms. As I walked down the same path we once did, alone, I began to remember the day vividly. I could still feel his presence beside me, despite it having been months since we were physically together as a couple.

I didn't want to give up on us. I didn't want to let Joon Soo's Eomma win. But what if she was right? What if I was wasting my time? Do people always fall in love with people because of who they are, or is it a coincidental timing-related matter? If Joon Soo and I had met now, would he still fall for me? Having known what we had, how would I take the rejection?

A tear rolled down my face as I began to accept the reality of my situation. Before even getting close again, I had been apart from him long enough to begin healing if I left now.

*

That night, I slowly began pulling my clothes out of the draw and placing them in the suitcase. I had to stop myself multiple times from taking one of his shirts. If I was to cut him off, I had to do it properly. I couldn't hold on. I knew he wouldn't know if them missing, but still...

I had just finished zipping up the last item of clothing when I heard the sound of someone putting the key code in the door. I walked to the doorway of the bedroom to see who it is. As they slipped off their shoes, he glanced around the apartment, and eventually our eyes met.