The Unholy Bible

Yeezus

"Ok, ok. If we're talking about my sleeping arrangements, I'm calling the shots," I insisted. "I want a twin bed all to myself."

Trick looked at me, tired, with a few nails in her mouth.

"Oh, you'll get a twin bed. But I put it where I want. I'm trying to use up as little space as I can," she explained with a vicious fever.

Umm, no. Please? "Hold the phone. It's my bed. I don't know your lieutenants that well, and I would rather sleep in peace until I get to know them."

"Excuse me," said a voice. I turned around and was met with a man who was in his twenties. If I could recall, his name was Xerxes Starr. He looked perfectly normal except for his skin was a pleasant red and he lacked eyes or eye sockets. His eyebrows and mouth put all of the emotion on his face. And, of course, he had the classic bat wings and devil tail, and a shock of orangey-red hair.

"Are you not comfortable with us yet?" he asked, surprised. "I'm not concerned, but I think you should take Trick's word for it. Their only intention is to make you feel comfortable."

Their?

"Hey, could you excuse me for a second? I have something personal to ask my old classmate."

Xerxes nodded, smiled and left the room. I could hear him chuckling as he walked down the hall towards the stairs.

"Ok," I started, trying to phrase this correctly. "What... what pronouns do you even use?"

Trick looked mollified, then smiled. "Oh, I was questioning all last year, so I'm not surprised. They/them is fine. In fact, that's what I want. I don't mind female or male pronouns either, as long as you call me Sir instead of Ma'am."

"Righto," I replied, glad for that awkwardness to be cleared up. I blushed in shame, but reminded myself that they also admitted that they were rather vague about it.

Trick strode over to the door and yanked it open. "YOU CAN COME BACK IN NOW, XXXXX IS DONE HAVING HIS EXISTENTIAL CRISIS!"

In a few seconds, Xerxes flew back into the room, landed on top of his bed and flashed me a thumbs-up. He laid there for a few seconds, then rolled off, grabbed his purple suit jacket and bow tie (they matched his purple slacks), and headed for the bathroom.

"Righto," Trick said wearily, "If you're really that nervous, I'll stick your bed above mine, like a bunk bed. That way, I'll always have an eye open if someone tries to hurt you. I doubt that'll ever happen. Rico might, but I have ways of dealing with that, and the only way Luci or Ardru will hurt you is if you piss 'em off, and Lucifer obviously doesn't have any reason to hate you."

I shivered on reflex. Rico was the bar's cook and he was an Incubus. I had met him a few hours after my first talk with Trick after I arrived, and he had been nothing but slippery. I had heard that Rico was the most powerful Incubus known, and I could tell that was true. He was irresistible, but I wasn't that interested in guys, at least not sexually, so it wasn't as hard as I had expected to ignore his obvious flirting.

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It wasn't me.

He just wasn't trying.

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Several hours later, Trick had finished nailing my bed over theirs. I easily climbed onto the bed and curled into my sheets.

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Sure enough, I didn't have anything to deal with that night. It was almost like they were there sitting on the edge of the bed like a crow, waiting.