The Unholy Bible

Grocery Shopping

I dug through our pantry, looking for another can of beans. A couple of supply runners stood behind me, surveying the lack of supplies in our tiny food cabinet.

"Looks like we're going to have to make another supply run," I sighed as I stepped out, empty-handed.

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56 MILES FROM THE NORTH POLE.

INSIDE A HOLLOWED-OUT CLIFF, A CASINO LIES.

WITHIN RESIDE THE GREAT FORCES OF EVIL, LEAD BY THE NEW DEMON LORD, TRICK GRAELL.

ONE UNFORTUNATE BOY DISCOVERED THE CASINO BY ACCIDENT, AND NOW LIVES THERE.

THIS IS HIS STORY.

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"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT? I'M FILING PAPERS."

"Lindsey," I said softly, "We've ran out of beans."

"Wait a second," they replied flippantly, "I'll open a portal and give you a 50. Chill."

"Lindsey."

"WHAT?" they yelled.
"I'm talking about human souls," I reminded them. "I have no idea where to get them."

Trick looked up, surprised.

"Oh."

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"You see," they finalized, stepping out of the portal, "Hawky's got full market on those tiny lil bastards. You want to buy some human souls? Hawky's your boi." The pine trees around us swayed gently in the forest wind, almost like they were trying to back up Trick's point. We walked through the woods, approaching a building up ahead.

"Mmm hmm," I said. "And did you make this building, or did Hawky?"

Trick looked up and gaped. "That was not what I left them with."

The building was a stone grey building. It seemed as boring as any building could be. If you could describe boring, it would be this building. It was basically just a stone rectangle.

"Bruh," I remarked, awfully underwhelmed. "This is ridiculously boring for someone who sells HUMAN SOULS."

"I swear it gets better than this," Trick muttered, obviously trying to reassure themself. "Let's go into the building and see why the castle has turned into a cube."

With that, the demon lord pulled the two doors open, and I stifled a gasp.

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Appearances deceive. That lesson I first learned when I stepped onto the snow of Antarctica, but it was being retaught to me every day.

It hit me pretty hard when I first saw the building's interior. The building had a high ceiling, and below were the stalls of many different Purgatory traders. Things floated around. I couldn't tell what they were, but they reminded me of IDEAS. The traders weren't beans. They were creatures that appeared to be the offspring of a demon and a holy spirit. I assumed that they were beans who were given forms because of the union between their holy and unholy parents. My point was proven when I saw the looks on their faces. The eyes that flicked towards Trick were filled with fear. Said demon either was oblivious or they just didn't care as they took it upon themself to wave to the shopkeepers and sometimes stop to check out their wares.