The Unholy Bible

The Airship

56 MILES FROM THE NORTH POLE.

INSIDE A HOLLOWED-OUT CLIFF, A CASINO LIES.

WITHIN RESIDE THE GREAT FORCES OF EVIL, LEAD BY THE NEW DEMON LORD, TRICK GRAELL.

ONE UNFORTUNATE BOY DISCOVERED THE CASINO BY ACCIDENT, AND NOW LIVES THERE.

THIS IS HIS STORY.

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I toppled face-first into Lucifer's chest as the room shook around us. I could hear screaming from the upper floors.

Angrily, I grabbed Lucifer's hand and yanked him behind the bar. Fishing around, I grabbed my lance and pulled it out from under the bar. Lucifer sighed and summoned his guitar, (as he kept it in that one place where stuff goes where it isn't summoned for security reasons) and transmogrified it into a battle ax.

"I KNEW IT!" I yelled over the noise. "I FUCKING KNEW IT!"

A cannonball was thrown onto the bar like a baseball, followed by everyone's favorite demon lord, who was dragging in Rico by the ear. They threw him to the ground. Said thrown body swore and scrambled to his feet, hiding the liquor behind his back. He looked embarrassed, like someone who had been caught doing... that.

I grimaced, trying not to visualize "that".

"So what's the situation?" Lucifer asked, trying to hide his worry. His wings fluttered anxiously.

Trick laughed bitterly. "I hate to say this is true," they started, "but it's an idiot with a pirate ship. They haven't been able to make it into the cliff; the ship's too big, but they aim to blow the cliff up. I highly doubt that they can succeed with cannonballs, I filled the inside of the shell with steel."

Ardru and Trinity ran in then, brandishing floating weapons. They got behind the bar with the rest of us, Xerxes and Harper showing up soon after. Trick looked at Harper and I with apprehension. Harper was holding a shotgun and was wearing her black, fur-trimmed cape.
Our favorite demon lord did some thinking, then nodded.

"These two need some experience in battle," Trick decided, "So they are going to fight with us if they wish. If any of you send these two inside I will refuse to give you chocolate for the next month."

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"HAHAHAHAAAAA! PREPARE TO GET UTTERLY SMOKED!" a feminine voice yelled from on top of the ship. The speaker was a colorful figure decked out in leather and gold gears. I couldn't see her properly but she seemed to be gesturing to us and laughing maniacally. She seemed to be alone, but I noticed what looked like to be an imp-sized stone gargoyle wearing an aviator's hat and goggles.

The ship was massive. In all essentiality, it was a wooden pirate ship with a paddlewheel. However, the ship had two mechanical wings which were allowing the ship to float level with our cliff. The figurehead was the imp-sized gargoyle, who had massive bat-like ears and wings, and a face that reminded me of a pug. The ship had the name, "The Albatross" painted across the side in black capital letters. At the steering wheel was a flame spirit made of pink flame. Unlike Ardru, this young woman didn't hide her eyes, which were, of course, smol, glowy and cute. She wore her wavy hair in two ponytails, which she tied up with a royal blue bandana (accented by a gear) and a pair of aviator goggles. She had bangs. Her skin and hair was a warm pink. She wore a black tank, a grey arm sleeve on one arm and a leather finger-less glove on the other. She wore grey pants, brown leather boots, two leather belts, and leather straps accented with clocks and gears were bound around her boots. To top it all off, she wore a royal blue scarf that matched the color of the bandana.

A whole lot of tsundere steampunk.

"I, OSHA BLAÍR, AM GOING TO DECK ALL OF YOUR SORRY ASSES!" the woman yelled from over the ship's edge. "TRY ME IF YOU DARE!"

Trick sighed. "This is too easy."

With that, the demon lord teleported onto the ship. I saw them step towards Osha, who started shaking with fear. Trick suddenly put a hand on her shoulder and apparently said something funny, because the girl doubled over with laughter. She then parked the ship on the cliff and stepped off.

The imp-sized gargoyle swore at her and went dormant. As she walked towards us, I swear I heard her yell, "SUCK MY TITS, TIMMY!"

Trick grimaced. "Everyone," they started, "As you may have heard, this is Osha Blaír. She decided to shoot cannonballs at us because she has nothing better to do, so I decided we're going to put the Albatross to work. Do you honestly know how convenient your ship would be if we had to go to war?!?"

Osha nodded eagerly. "As long as I get to drive," she replied confidently.

"As long as you don't crash us into a mountain," Trick retorted snarkily, eliciting a, "ROASTED!! literally" from the gang.

Osha roared with laughter, causing the others to join in. Even I couldn't muffle a chuckle or two. I was just glad that I didn't have to pike someone.