The Ballet Shoes

First Time

Dear journal,

Yesterday I almost ended it nothing has gotten better and nothing ever will. I'm not home anymore...I beat my sister nearly to death-

Harry could feel the vomit rising in his throat. He knew however there must be a reason why. There had to be but Harry wanted to hear it from Louis. As bad as it sounded he did but he still felt he should read every page like he promised Louis. Since he was alone yet again bed ridden cause his foot. He swallowed hard and began again.

I just got so fed up with always being nagged and yelled at for nothing. I - I just snapped. She kept telling me how I was never a good kid to mum, how they hated me and the things I do. I was drunk and high. Mum pulled me away from her and told me to get out. I haven't been back since.  I'm sorry god I'm so sorry.

23 July 2008

The word sorry was smeared by a tear stain put their by Louis. Harry's heart broke into pieces.  He never felt so sorry for anyone in his life. His chest had a dull ache. 

Dear Journal

I love him, I need him, I want him more than I had ever known before. I was a damned  fool for going about the way I have. I was wrong for treating him the way I have.  It's time to change....

August 12th, 2015

Harry noticed that on this page there was no stains of any sort. He held the pen to the journal he was to give Louis this last entry was the most important. He started writing even though Liam was across the room on his bed. He liked to be alone while writing to Louis but as he felt the tears fall he wanted him here for the fact he was scared. 

"Li?" Harry said stopping after writing Dear Louis. 

Liam looked up from his laptop screen and his smile faded seeing Harry was crying. Liam crossed the room sitting next to him.

"Okay what's wrong?" Liam questioned eyeing the journal in his hands.

"I can't tell him right now not like this and I said I would, but well he doesn't know that yet cause I wrote it. But I feel like it's too soon, it's all too soon. I feel like I don't know-" Harry rambled throwing his hands up.

Liam pulled him into a side hug.

"Hey Harold now calm down. He's gone to above and beyond what he would normally do. He wouldn't of ever gave that," he pointed to Louis' journal "to just anyone. He some how fell in love with you Harry and the way I see it he bullied you so he wouldn't allow himself to like or love you-" he paused eyeing Harry "but obviously his 'plan' didn't work too well."

"Plan?" Harry scrunched his brows looking at Liam with his glossy eyes.

"He didn't plan any of this he didn't expect to fall for you so suddenly." Liam explained shortly.

"Li can you take me to him? If not I'll find another way." Harry questioned clutching the journals to his chest tightly.

"Harold you don't want to say the wrong things so soon why not think on it another day then go?" Liam suggested.

"Liam I'm sure how I feel, please take me." Harry said drying the tears from his face. 

He handed Liam the keys to his car and they left. The ride was quiet and Harry's nerves were ticking. He stared out the window holding the journals like they were precious jewels that needed all the protection in the world.
They pulled off to the side in front of the frat house. Louis' car was out front so he was here hopefully. Something caught Harry's eyes in one of the windows upstairs. He looked up there he was. Louis was in the window looking at the car.  Harry opened the door slowly getting out.