help

:reflec-tion:

i could feel the hatred radiating into me.

their sharp tongues peirced into my mind, a dark veil following me that i had just noticed.

“i just stand there with the familiar darkness.”

every part of me rejects my emotions, and instead, its easier to just feel emotionless- to just sit there, acting like a robot, than cry about your problems.

loneliness sinks me into the frigid waters of hell, my eyes white with flashbacks and trauma, tears clouding my vision of who i am.

“only i walk without purpose.”

its hard to understand as an unbearable emptiness takes hold, watching everyone else with smiles as brilliant as suns, paired in twos or threes.

i could feel the hatred radiating out of me.

why wasn't i like that?

the ridicule from others, the pointing of fingers, cruel mockery, taunting and despair.

“the world is just another name for despair.”

i sit on the top of the walkway overlooking the pond.

fish swim in all directions, together, endlessly flowing through time and space.

it calms my burning spirit yet enflares it all the more, anger and aching picking away at my edges.

“right now, i'm free but restrained. right now, i'm happy but unhappy.”

i could feel myself become hatred. i am hatred.

my reflection resembles me entirely, but it has a face i don't recognize. every part is the same.

nothing has changed and yet, the feeling isn't me, isn't my image, isn't mine.

my fears and self doubt haunt me, every demon clawing on my back, hatred and regret hang low on my face, sin on both sides of my shoulders.

“i am all of my joy and anxieties.”

yet there is no joy in that reflection.

just pain.

pain.

pain.

pain.

“i wish i could love myself.”