From Darkness Born

Silence. Good. Silence equals serenity, and serenity equals meditation, and meditation means my father cannot escape.

Except there is a memory threatening to surface.....

My father already escaped. I became the portal. And I defeated him.

Only I could defeat Trigon, and I succeeded.

I won.

But at what cost?

What did Robin yell at the end there? Oh, right...is she okay? Did she get hurt because of me? Is it my fault? Oh God, if I ended up hurting my friend...

Bang!

Something explodes to my right. Oh no. I've hurt someone else. This has to stop. I have to...

"Raven!" Cyborg yells. "Raven, it's okay. Just calm down."

I take a deep breath. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos."

"There you go, Rae. Nice and easy."

I open my eyes. Cyborg is in front of me. He smiles as I take in my surroundings.

"What happened?" I ask.

"You defeated Trigon. I guess it took a lot out of you. You're fine though."

"Was anyone else hurt?" I ask.

"I repaired my circuits easily enough. BB and Robin escaped with minor scrapes and bruises."

"Starfire?" I ask, remembering the painful yell.

"Starfire..." Cyborg takes a deep breath, and a tear comes to his human eye. "Starfire didn't make it."

It takes a moment for that to sink in.

"I need to be alone." I finally say, and disappear into one of my dark portals. I end up in my room. Realizing that I do not want to be there, either, I teleport again.

Stay Calm. You cannot afford to break down.

I take a deep breath and look around to see where I am.

No. Anywhere but here. I can't be in her room.

I teleport again, ending up in the main room. Needing to meditate, I float over to the window and cross my legs.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos." I chant repeatedly until I am calm.

Time passes in unknown increments as I leave behind the material world. The feeling of something slimy on my lap wakes me.

"Silkie?" I ask. "No, I can't take care of you. Find someone else." Silkie just smiles innocently at me. I flush.

A green hand saves me by scooping up the mutant moth larvae. "I can take care of him." Beast Boy's eyes are red, but he seems confident enough. I nod wordlessly.

We sit in silence for a moment.

"How long were you there?" I finally ask.

"An hour, maybe? Cy sent me after you had already been gone for two."

"Right." I say without emotion.

"Hey, are you going to cut your hair?" He asks.

I hadn't even noticed it was long. Without so much as moving, I calmly answer, "No."

Silence.

Then, BB's sigh.

"I don't know who is going to laugh at my jokes anymore."

I teleport again. This time, I end up on the roof. The sun is setting, and Robin is standing motionless, overlooking the city. I can remember being in the exact same place when I woke up on 'the last day of the Earth'. With the memory comes the pain that I had felt for my friends. I silently glide over to him.

"Raven," He acknowledges. His voice is hoarse, as if he has been standing here without water. He probably has. "I don't know how..." His voice breaks off.

Knowing he will want silence, I pull up my feet and act as if I am meditating, though I do not let myself sink into the state of being unaware. After a comfortable silence, I put my feet down and walk over to the door.

"Raven," Robin says, finally turning. "Thank you."

I pause for a moment, then glide down the stairs. BB isn't on the couch. When I pass the sickbay, Cyborg isn't there. Loneliness closes in like a blanket. I end up in my room, staring at the dark and gloomy furnishings. In a sudden fit of rage, I destroy it all with one punch of my magic. I am left with a slightly brighter, destroyed room. Ashamed that I allowed my emotions to get the best of me, I slowly fall into a sitting posistion, leaning against the bed where it rises off the ground.

Azarath Metrion Zinthos. That's all I need to say.

But the words don't come. My mouth opens, but all that comes out is a sob. This scares me, because I know what happens when I cry. It has happened before, and I never want it to happen again. The thought of that much power scares me.

Fear is easily turned into sorrow.

The first drops of rain come with my first tear. I curl into a ball, my hood up, to shut out the noise of the drops on my window. I hope it shuts out the pain of loss as well.

Make it go away. Just make it go away. I can't take the pain any longer. For years, no one has comforted me. I have even hidden away the feelings just so that I don't receive the sting of failure from my mother or the monks of Azarath.

I can't any more. It's been sixteen long years of pain. And I am sick of it.

I. Just. Can't.

The rain is a full-out storm now. Its volume is growing, as is my fear. I have a terrible phobia of thunderstorms. They are my curse.

I do not hear the door open: all I feel is the hand on my shoulder. Too small to be Cyborg, and too big to be BB.

He pulls me up until I am half-on him. Then he wraps his arms around me in a very comforting manner. I have no idea how long I am crying, but we stay like that the whole time. The storm stops, and my sobs fade into silence.

"Robin..." My voice shakes. He puts a hand to my hair.

"You're okay now." He says, ducking his head to catch my eyes. He must see the question hidden in them, because he continues. "I was still outside when it started raining. Since there were no clouds, my first thought was some new bad guy. Nothing came up over the computer, so I figured it was you."

"I'm sorry. Usually I can control my emotions, I just..."

"Hey, it's fine." He smiles. "Everyone needs to let themselves loose. Beast Boy does it every day. Even Cyborg, when he is made of mostly machine, shows emotion. I've always idolized and worried for you because of your ability to hide your emotions. It is a blessing and a curse. Just like your powers."

"How are they a blessing? They only harm people." I ask, leaning my torso away so as to look at him better.

Robin shakes his head. "You can also heal people. I know. Beast Boy told me. That's a blessing. Other things, besides. It's not the potential of the powers; it is the ingenuity of the one that uses them."

I absorb that information slowly. Robin gets up and heads for the door. He turns and smiles. "I like your hair that way."

"Robin, thank you." I smile. He pauses, then smiles in return.

"You're welcome." His smile falls slightly. "It's what friends are for, right?"

"Right."

"Goodnight, Raven."

"Goodnight, Robin." I reply. He nods, then leaves.

But I know it will be a restless night, full of nightmares.