The Boys Next Door

Chapter 17: Why couldn't have fell for you?

I'm still crying, I know my makeup is everywhere and I'm still against the door. Paige keeps trying to talk to me but I don't wanna talk, I want to stay miserable. I want to sleep to death. My head was pounding, my chest felt like someone was sitting on it. "Mackenzie let me in!" Paige screamed. "LEAVE ME ALONE! Fuck you! Fuck everyone I've ever cared about!" I screamed. "I'm trying to help." She begged. "I don't want any help!" I snapped. My phone had so many miss called and messages from Ethan. Not one from Grayson. "Mackenzie I know it hurts-" she sighed, "no! No you don't know what it's like, I feel so alone. My chest is caving in, I'm cold, my head is pounding, every ingle time my lungs move I feel like I'm getting stabbed." I cried. "Just open the door." She said. "FUCK YOU! Just let me die in here." I sighed. There was a moment of silence. "Hey, Kenz it's Ethan." I heard a soothing voice call out gentility. "Ethan?" I said quietly, "yep it's me, now just open the door." He said quietly. "No! STOP ASKING! I WANT TO BE FUCKING ALONE!" I screamed. "Ok ok I'm sorry." He sighed. "Why do I always ruin things? Do you know why Eth?" I sniffled as my head rested against the door. "You don't ruin anything, trust me." He said "Yes I do. I loose everyone, I hurt everyone I love." I sighed, "Mack-" "Ethan please leave, I can't hurt you. I can't I can't I can't, it's always my fault it always is!" I said covering my face. "No no no I'm not leaving, your not hurting me. I'm always here for you." He sighed, "Ethan I said leave! I hurt everyone and everything in my way, I can't hurt you. I just can't." I said starting to break down. "Just let me in baby girl." He sighed, "no. I can't." I bawled. "I promise if you let me in, it'll make you feel better." He said, "I don't care about myself, I deserve pain." I sniffled.

It's been hours since Ethan and I have talked, i checked my phone and it's 2:38am. Tears still slowly ran down my face, emptiness filled my veins. I grabbed the door handle and slowly twisted it, and sitting on the ground with his back resting against my door way was Ethan. My heart ached, I'm hurting him. "I knew you'd eventually open the door." He groaned half sleeping. "You need to go home and get sleep." I said trying to walk past him as he stood up, he grabbed my arm. "I'm never leaving you." He said holding me in his arms, "I'm ok Ethan." I said giving him a fake smile. "I'm always going to be by your side, I'm here for you." He said, I looked up into his eyes and started crying again. "Why was it him. Why'd I fall for him? Why couldn't I have fell for you, I love you Ethan. I do. I'm just so confused." I said choking on tears, he kissed the top of my forehead.

We laid there on my bed in silence, he rubbed my back as he held me. My head on his chest listening to the tempo of his heart beat, there were stain of tears on his shirt. "I love you." I said. "I love you too." He said. "I'm so sorry." I sighed, "stop saying sorry you didn't do anything, just lay here with me. Let me hold you till you're sound asleep, until your tears go away, and until I see your beautiful smile again." He said, "I'm not even beautiful." "You're perfect." He said looking into my eyes