Tumblr Fangirl turned YouTuber Girlfriend?!

8th

It still baffles people to see homosexual couples be all cute and affectionate and do I dare to explain to Emma why I'm sometimes hesitant to show her affection in public?

Autumn had truly arrived and it's a time to wrap up in warm scarfs. Emma loves autumn dearly from a fashion standpoint, as it's the season of layers and comfy clothes. She makes an extra effort with her outfits and sometimes I feel like I'm really walking next to a model, who's escaped off the runway.

"Let's go in for hot drinks," Emma said pulling me along but the arm. December was still a couple of weeks away but the decorations and more importantly, Starbucks red cup was already in season.

We ran inside the nearest Starbucks and got into the queue. I watched Emma carefully reading the drinks signs while I admired the rosy patches on her cheeks.

"You look adorable with your red cheeks," I told her.

She shot me a wide smile making the apples of her cheeks even more prominent and adorable.

"You're one to talk. If I didn't know better, I'd say your cheeks got burnt," Emma said and reached over to place her fingertips on one of my cheeks.

"Are you ready to order?" asked the barista as the people in front of us moved away.

We gave our orders and I reached found my wallet to pay.

"I think it's really cute that you're so close. I wished that I was so close with my sister," the barista said and made my hand freeze.

Sisters? I immediately started giggling and when I looked over to Emma she gave the barista a very pointed "You've got to be kidding me"-look. The poor barista looked thoroughly confused.

"We're not sisters," I said and winked overdramatically while I handed over the money.

"Oh, sorry," she said and seemed thoroughly embarrassed. We walked off to the side to wait for our names to be called and I erupted in giggles again.

"I can't believe she thought we were sisters," Emma said with a shake of her head but cheeriness in her voice. She wasn't mad. She was just astonished.

"I don't know," I said with a shrug. Upon a first glance Emma and I looked somewhat similar, though I didn't see how we could be mistaken for sisters. "We live in a heteronormative society, Ems. They don't expect to see two girls together."

"But it's 2016," Emma argued. "I thought things had changed."

"They have changed a lot but there's still a lot that's not ideal," I said and took a deep breath.

It had been sometime since I had dated a girl before I got together with Emma. My last significant other was a boy and being out and about with him was different than with a girlfriend. It had given me a unique perspective as I got to experience what it was like to be in a "straight" versus a "gay" relationship. It was a lot different. You had to be more careful if it was the latter.

Emma walked closer to me and grabbed my hand raising it to her lips and kissed it. London was normally not a problem, though we still got horrible catcalls and invitations to join threesomes sometimes from random perverts.

The barista personally walked up with our drinks and handed them to us.

"I'm sorry about before," she said. "I didn't know you were lesbians but I shouldn't have made the sister comment."

"I'm actually bi, love. Or possibly pan or something in between the spectrum," I couldn't stop myself from saying. She was trying to make things better but she misidentified me again and it got tiring.

"Oh," she said, confusion taking over her features anew. "Sorry. I'll shut my trap. Enjoy your drinks and have a lovely day."

She hurried off and Emma turned to give me a pointed look while I sipped my delicious hot drink.

"What?" I said as Emma's stern glance morphed into a little girl giggle. She reached over to wipe some cream from my lip.

"Nothing, I just love you," Emma said casually. The words left her lips without effort or an afterthought, as she continued. "It's good that you're educating people."

"Someone has too," I joked, my mind still hung up on some certain words. "She should not come up to me and tell me who I am. I have disapproving parents to do that."

We headed out the door and back out into the cold autumn air and Emma locked arms with me.

To anyone who passed us, this could just look like two best friends hanging out. Females were more excused to show affection in public than males but I still hesitated every time I showed any kind of affection that was clearly more than platonic.

"Why don't you kiss me out in public?" Emma asked me later when we were cuddled up on her bed watching Netflix.

I had been drifting off to sleep but her question yanked me wide-awake.

"What? Why are you asking me that?" I countered and sat up as I had slid down further and further into the pillows and blankets.

"I don't know," Emma said with a shrug. "I was just thinking about it."

"Ems, you know I love kissing you. Very much," I said and leaned over to peck her lips as proof. "I'm just a bit more careful about kissing girls in public. You never know what kind of reaction you get. You've never really experienced it. You've only been with me and since we were a secret from your YouTube audience for so long..." my voice trailed off.

I could see the hurt in Emma's eyes and I desperately wanted it to go away but my words only made her look more confused.

"So what you're trying to protect me? Megs, I don't need protection," Emma argued.

"I know you don't. It's not for protection per say. As you saw earlier today with that barista, I'm not shy about revealing who I am but it's complicated with open display of affection. I want to be able to reach over and interlock our hands or kiss you on the cheek without a second thought but I just can't. I've had too many experiences with a former girlfriend where that got us into real trouble. I don't want you to have to experience how cruel the world can be."

"That sounds a lot like protection as well," Emma noted but snuggled up closer to me. The hurt and confusion had left her eyes as she then buried her face in my neck.

"I suppose so," I sighed and pulled her closer to me. "But I'll try not to think too much about it, okay? I want to believe in better times too and maybe a good way to do that is to give people a chance to prove me wrong and to show me that we are accepted. I'll try to stop myself from worrying about kissing you."

"I like the sound of that. You should always have optimism for life," Emma said.

She was the optimist in the relationship and the dreamer. I was much more grounded and cold in my outlook on life. I saw the good but there was so much bad in the world that I felt like the good often got overshadowed. Perhaps, it was good I had my very own little bundle of optimism wrapped in my arms.

Emma reminded and encouraged me to trust people. I mean really and fully trust. I wasn't sure I had ever done that with anyone. I was friendly and chatty at the surface but I kept a part of me closed off from everyone. I had never admitted my fear of being affectionate in public to anyone, not even my former girlfriend. I talked a lot but I still kept some of my guard up.

Emma was an encompassing presence in my life and together we clashed wonderfully. 

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Sorry I missed last week but I hope you liked this little cute chapter with the girls. Megan is the far more experienced one and she's trying to shield Emma from potentially getting hurt. However, Emma's innocence and optimism is a very good influence on Megan and a reminder that you don't have to see the world as a cruel place. Thank you so much for choosing to get to know these supporting character a bit more. I'm really enjoying developing them more in-depth.