Tumblr Fangirl turned YouTuber Girlfriend?!

11th

What kind of cruel world do we live in when a maniac can get into our LGBTQ+ safe spaces and murder us?

Warnings: Strong feeling about the shooting in Florida June 2016

My blood ran cold the moment I turned on my phone in the morning, as my timeline was a complete mess of despair and hurt. Someone had started shooting people in a gay bar in Florida. I was up on my feet so quickly that my head almost stared to spin.

I had been staying over at Emma's and she was still soundly asleep beside me, unaware of the chaos that had been happening on the other side of the pond. I scrolled through my social media timelines and looked up the news frantically and my fingers kept betraying me and making me misspell words as they were shaking too much.

I don't know why it took me so long to remember but it struck me like a lightning bolt when I did. I had a lot of friends on Tumblr, most who were part of the LGBTQ+ space and plenty of them in America. One particular gay boy came to mind as he lived in Florida and the name of the club sounded vaguely familiar. That wasn't his regular hangout place was it?

I quickly pulled up his blog and messaged him with urgency dripping from my words. After sending the message, I went back to the news and updated the page once again to see they had finally released the names of the victims.

I watched with baited breath as name after name rolled over the screen in the news broadcast and tears welled up in my eyes. So many young beautiful people, one was even just a mother who was just there to support her son. And then his image flashed over the screen and I stopped breathing.

His full name was not familiar as he only went by a nickname online but it was him, no doubt about it. He'd occasionally post selfies and the photo they used was one that I had seen online.

"Megs?" Emma called and stirred awake beside me.

I didn't know how long I had been sitting on the edge of the bed scrolling through my phone and freaking out. Tears were running down my cheeks and further on, down my neck and my heart was beating too fast.

"Hey," Emma's voice was soft as she wrapped her arms around me.

I tried to enjoy the comfort that her arms usually would bring me but right now it just made me feel trapped. I sprung up and the look on Emma's face was hurt before she saw my tears and it morphed into concern.

"What is going on?" she asked, her voice tainted with worry.

"Florida, gay bar, mass shooting..." was all I was able to get out.

I needed to get out of here. I wanted to punch my fist through the wall. He was gone forever and so were so many other young innocent people. They'd undoubtedly been targeted for their queerness and it made me sick to my stomach.

"Megan, calm down," Emma tried to talk me down but I wasn't listening.

"No! This is not okay. So many people are dead! People like us! People targeted just because of whom they love. It's so wrong, Emma. This is 2016. The world was supposed to be better now," I shouted off the top of my lungs, undoubtedly waking Emma's roommates but I didn't care. It felt so damn good to shout and get the aggressions out. It felt much better than silently weeping.

Emma looked at a loss for words and she looks scared now. I needed to remember she hadn't had time to go through the news and people's reactions like I had and it's all being thrown in her face but I was so wired up that I could hardly think clearly.

"I'm going boxing," I announced because punching something seemed like the perfect solution right now and it's better that it's a boxing ball than the wall.