Fallback Girl (Chat MD Series #3)

Day 59.5

(Hannah's anonymous diary online)

I love someone. Someone loves me. But it's breaking my heart.

Why do we find love when it's not supposed to be found? Why do we feel when we're supposed to be numb? Why does it have to be complicated?

Bakit ako pa ang minahal niya? Nahihirapan lang siya. He deserves someone more honest and more brave. He deserves someone who could be with him without worry. Someone who won't think twice to fight for him.

I'm not that someone.

I'm too full of doubts. I'm too anxious. I don't even know the depth of my feelings for him.

I used to be certain of how much I could take and how much I could give in a relationship. I used to have boundaries, lists, limits, of what I should and could do.

He breaks all that. He makes me feel a lot of things in just a short time. He makes me scared and confused and happy, all at the same time. He makes me dream and love and stutter with just a smile. He makes me feel crazy.

I want to be there for him but I can't. I will only bring him what I'm bringing him now—problems.

He's been living by himself now. He will transfer his dad. What will he give up next after all these?

How could he not see that I'm a problem?

I want to love him but I'm not sure how. This is the first time I feel this much for someone. The only thing I could give him in my power is distance.

Because maybe if he stopped seeing me, he'll realize I'm not worth all the trouble. He could find someone else to love. He should.

Then, he will be happy. # 1206h / 10222016