I don't really like my life. I would never take it on my own. I'm here for a reason, but I don't like it. My stepdad angers me to no end. Underneath all the fake smiles, there is a hole. I'm not truly happy. I never have been. Missing a father figure for over half my life didn't help. Now I have a guy in my life, we are competing for my mom's attention. I need my mom. The little she is home, I hardly see her. Church 4 days a week doesn't help. The real reason I go to church, is to see my best friend. I just don't understand why I'm going through this.
I've been depressed. Attempted suicide. Those were in my younger years. No 7 or 8 year old should think they have to take their life.
I'm torn into pieces.
Even my older brother wants to get out of here. He hates this life. He wants to start over. I wish it was just me, my mom, and my brother. I miss those days. The days I could tell my mom anything. The days my brother still talked. The days where I was happy.
My step dad thinks and acts like he knows me, but he doesn't. He sees an illusion of what I put out. He sees a happy kid.
Not the one who cries their self to sleep each night. Not the one who wakes up at 4am because of nightmares. No, he doesn't see me. He sees someone I want to be.
Happy.
