The Movie that Changed Our Lives (Elijah Wood/LOTR FanFic)

My Public Confession

As the next year flew by, I adapted to my postpartum depression. Elijah only did a couple of small movies, so he wasn't gone for too long. It was still unbearable for me, but I eventually coped. At least he wasn't gone for a billion years, like he was after Eva was born. I knew I thought of it a lot, but I still couldn't understand how I survived without him. That handsome piece of my life was gone for so long, and I was in complete shambles. I was so surprised that Eva and my friends could hold me together for so long.

Those doctor visits were actually really helpful. We talked about a lot of nice things, and I left the place feeling well again. The doctor seemed to prescribe more medicine than before, but I decided not to worry about it. He knew what was best for me. I had to just speak to him and trust him with these types of things. It felt so weird to trust someone else other than Elijah. I was so used to trusting him with my life all the time that it was difficult to share some of it with someone else. I just had to take a deep breath and do it. Otherwise, I would be stuck for the rest of my life.

The Paps seemed to around the office more than ever. Elijah and I would always shield our eyes from the flashing cameras even though we both wore sunglasses, his arm wrapped around my waist as we made our way to the car. They were getting so ridiculous that I was getting really irritated really easily. It sounded like they were all asking us questions, but Elijah and I ignored them the best we could. We had no idea what they wanted from us. All Elijah and I could do was act like the Paps weren't there stalking us. It was hard, but we had to do it. It became a chore, just as annoying and necessary as the doctor visits.

I felt so accomplished one night when I literally spent the whole day with just Connor. I did all of it without getting depressed or guilty of anything. It was something other moms would scoff over, but it made me glow in happiness. I thought Connor was just so adorable as he struggled to speak and kicked his feet around. His mood also significantly improved when he saw mine was. He laughed with me and started to enjoy my comfort, and I was thrilled. For the first time in a while, I felt as though I was doing something right. It felt so good. No one else could understand my triumph, no one except for Elijah. His eyes would shine when he saw me so happy, and that spark flashed over a billion times. Eva felt a little rejected over the lack of attention, but Elijah made sure to entertain her. She was going through potty training at the moment, so Elijah and I invested all our time with that. God, it was so hard. I had no idea how Mom did it with me and Casey. It was aggravating to have her run to the bathroom and have her sit there for hours. It was like she never wanted to get off. The bathroom was not a great place to spend your life in.

I was feeling so confident and good with myself that I signed up for a movie in January. It was based on a book I read in the past, and the script Mr. Jameson sent me was interesting. It was Ben Affleck's first movie as a director, and my costar was his brother Casey. The Afflecks were actually cool people. They were honestly so fun to work with. I mean, it wasn't as great as working in Lord of the Rings or with Leo, but it was close enough. It uplifted my mood, and that was the only thing that mattered. Filming was in Boston, which was so freezing, and Elijah and the children had to accompany me. Connor still wasn't exactly old enough to be left alone, even though he was around a couple years old. Everything was fine until Elijah left the last months to start filming in London. It was impossible to join him after I finished with my movie, Gone Baby Gone, so I was forced to return home with the children.

The Paps seemed to be growing more persistent when Elijah was gone and I went to the office. I just gritted my teeth and continued walking, resisting the urge to flip them all off. I had no idea why they had complete, sudden interest in me, but I was not going to let it bother me. I had more important things to do than to concern myself with the petty Paps. I was not going to allow them to damper my mood. I had to worry about my children, not the Paps. I knew that they wanted me to talk to them, but I was not going to fall prey to their traps. I was better than that, smarter than that.