Poems for the mentally ill

Stolen Innocence

~ Sexual assault ~

I smile too their compliments, participate in their conversations

and laugh at their jokes. I reply too the blokes, who tell me that

I'm pretty and then i reply something witty and tell them not to be

silly.

They look at my body, with their hungry hungry eyes,

but 'guys will be guys' so i embrace the butterflies.

They offer me a drink, 'no thanks' i think, but that replies

not alright, so i down it out of sight.

Try as they might, they can't fall me, I know what guys

think, when they hand me a drink. This will make it easy,

she'll feel a little queasy, I'll take her back too my place

and skip straight too the chase, then I'll leave without

leaving even a trace.

So they dance with me all night, don't let me out of their sight,

'protective is cute' i sigh, but why should i believe that lie.

When all of my life, i've been told too carry a knife, shout fire

not rape, you'll be more likely too escape.

I shouldn't have too shout fire, i shouldn't need too escape,

I shouldn't have too lock my gate, just for his sake. I shouldn't

lie awake at night, with only that image in sight, of that one sad night,

where i just couldn't fight.

So i finally go home and tell them what happened

the words go unsaid, but i know that they think it

you should have been wearing that whistle as a trinket.

Your skirt was too short, that's what he thought, but my body is

mine, but darling - it's not.

So i sort through the laundry, my clothes like pornography,

and put them in a bag, then hand them too dad.

We take them too the police, and piece by piece they seize,

the clothes that now represent, all of my resent.

Not enough evidence, you don't have a case, you simply

should have just run at a much faster pace. No one will believe you,

they'll see right through, you just want attention too cover the

missing rejection.

You didn't say no, or at least HE said so, but i didn't say yes,

that's why I'm in this mess. A never ending conversation

between me and my brain, it's making me feel like I'm going insane.

Am i lying? Was i even crying? He said i was smiling, but is he just

lying.

So i accept my fate as i lose my best mate. Thinks i'll accuse him too,

so he say's that we're through. It wasn't a lie, it really did happen

so why do i feel guilty, when he stole my virginity.

Everyday is a struggle, it wasn't just a cuddle, now my life

is full only of panic attacks and flash backs. I can't keep it in

but i can't get it out, so i write it down in a rush - My skin as a canvas,

razor as a brush.

Still i can't take it, so i self medicate it, one pill too many,

hoping it will end me. I lay down my head and accept my fate,

all of this because of the rape. I said what he did, you said

'did he really?' why did it feel like no one believed me.

Well now it dosen't matter, go back too your chatter,

he'll take advantage, rape them and scrape them too, and

i'm now in heaven and he is still fine, cause i wasn't strong enough

too get him arrested for mine.