Poems for the mentally ill

When you die

When you die, you imagine this sweet last breath,

you imagine inhaling deeply and then closing your

eyes for the final time. You imagine peace at last.

When you die, your mother stops eating. Your 

father begins weeping and your sister's no 

longer sleeping.

When you die, your teachers blame themselves.

They pushed you too hard, ignored your thank

you card, told you to work harder, you had to be

smarter.

When you die, every kid who ever looked your way

takes the blame. They look down and see blood

seep from their vain, they should have noticed but it's not like

you left a notice. 

When you die, even your old babysitter comes to say 

goodbye. Wondering if it was somehow her fault for

sharing what she always thought with you.

You see you're right - when you die, you do indeed

take that last final breath. You do indeed close your

eyes one final time and you do indeed find peace.

but

Everyone else you've ever known, even the strangers

who passed you on the street, feel stress. They feel

this desperate clasp of their breath. An inability to

be at peace, for at least a week.

The people who actually knew you? Their pain lasts

longer, its borderline torture. Involuntary manslaughter.

They watch their own life fade away, almost a form of

slow suicide.

and even when they can finally breath again, even when

your sister can finally sleep again, even when your brother

gets back to school, even when your mother manages a mouth

full this empty feeling of regret and blame and shame never goes

away.

So please, for the sake of those who are good, for the sake of

those who were kind, for the sake of those who don't deserve

to feel the same pain that you feel so deeply - hold on, for at least

another day.

For you, this pain will fade away.

for them, it would ache everyday.