Waiting (a pernico fic)

EXTRA SPECIAL AUTHOR'S NOTE EXTRAVAGANZA

I can't believe it's over. Waiting is my baby and it's all grown up. It's 25 chapters long. Almost 25k words (24,847). No doubt the longest thing I've ever written.
The book itself took turns I hadn't anticipated when I started this. It was meant to be a simple fic where Percy was never even interested in Annabeth. End of story. I hadn't expected to hurt my smol bean and make Will super horrible. It just kinda happened when I started plotting it. I was thinking after the fight in the clinic; "Why would they fight like that? Yeah, Will's kinda obsessed and Nico's loyal to Percy, but why would they fight that hard?" Then my traitor brain goes; "Will tried to rape Nico, of course." And I wrote it. I don't even know. I guess I like angst too much.
Anyway, the thesis of this author's note is to clear up some things the ending didn't fully flesh out; firstly being the epilogue.

The epilogue was meant to show that Will hadn't changed at all. He wasn't trying to be a better person; he was trying to lull Nico into trusting him again. The whole time, he was trying to get Nico to like him. Even the cutting. That's how obsessed with Nico he is. He knew how Nico felt about self-harm and it was a two-birds, one-stone kinda deal. He very much regretted hurting Nico because the last thing he wanted was for Nico to hurt. However, the rape itself, Will didn't regret in the slightest. In fact, Will would've fully raped Nico if Nico hadn't hurt him. If you look back, you'll notice that Will never says he wished he hadn't tried to rape Nico. He says, he wished that he hadn't hurt Nico. Never once does he say he regretted trying to rape him. He didn't want Nico to hurt but that dark part of him that condoned rape came out when Nico hurt him and he couldn't control himself. (Which was why Nico ducked away from him, instead of fighting him straight on like he would've, had things gone differently.) He did feel like he deserved to hurt for hurting Nico, but not because he raped him. This shows that Will only wanted to possess Nico. Will didn't love Nico, he was obsessed with him, fixated unhealth-ily on him.

Secondly, I need to clear up that Nico isn't stupid for allowing Will back in his life. He may have acted stupidly, but he wasn't stupid. He was naive because although he is chronologically 89 years old, he still has the mindset and body of a nineteen year old boy. (Fun fact: Nico and I are the same bodily age.) Nico likes to think he knows what he's doing and, most of the time, he does. However, he's still nineteen. Nineteen year olds want to act like adults and make adult decisions, but we don't have enough experience to make them correctly. Which is why Percy stepped in so much. Percy also wasn't being a possessive asshole. At 23, Percy has more experience and can see that Nico's 'bout to fuck up' as they say. So he tries to keep his love safe.

He also wasn't overreacting to Will and Nico's friendship. He was reacting appropriately. Lest we forget who helped Nico through his panic attacks and sat in the shower, fully clothed, with Nico. He knew full well what Will did to Nico and how Nico was a wreck afterwards. He was not beguiled with fake apologies the way Nico was. He knew what Will was doing and he was having none of it. He swore on the River Styx that he wouldn't let Nico get hurt again and that he would make him happy. Do you realize how serious that is? He was willing to be sent to the darkest parts of the Underworld if he let Nico get hurt on his watch. That's the most serious thing he could do for Nico. So no, he was not over reacting because he knew exactly what would happen if Will had his way; yet more advances Nico didn't want and even more months of helping his boyfriend through the trauma. Also, the rape itself was a trauma. You're thinking, 'yeah, I know, rape is traumatic, of course it is,' but you're not following. Trauma is a kind of getting hurt. So Percy would be damned if he allowed Nico to get into that situation. I know Nico well enough to know that he would be beyond devastated to find his future husband in Tartarus because he was being a stupid teenager. Yet another reason not to hate because Percy didn't want Nico to have that on his conscience. (Percy tells Nico later that he swore on the River Styx before to make sure he's safe and happy when they have a proper sit down and talk about the situation.) So Percy's not just being a possessive boyfriend who doesn't like a challenge. He's doing what he knows is best for them both.

I'm rambling so I'll bring this to a close. In closing:
1) Will's pursuit is not a healthy display of love and isn't really love at all; it's obsession.
2) Nico was dangerously chill about letting Will back into his life.
3) Percy was trying his best to make sure Nico wasn't doing something that could be hazardous to his mental health (and physical, because I'm positive that if Nico rejected Will's physical advances again, he would try to kill him).
4) I hate my brain for hurting my fave characters like I have.
5) You guys are great for listening to my ramblings and listening to my rationalization for my version of these characters' behavior and I love you all.
6) I'm sorry I dumped like nine chapters on you guys but this has been sitting finished for a while and I know you guys like when I dump on you and it's not just one chapter (I know because I like it too)

So, since this is the end, I can't say 'see you next chapter'. So to quote Steve Carrel; "Catch you on the flipity-flip."

I love you all, my lovelies.
-Tom :*