A drop in the ocean

Silent Depression

When I got the call,

I hit rock bottom

I fell into a silent depression.

My exterior was normal,

Or to me it seemed as normal as I could be.

I smiled and joked and laughed,

But never did I cry.

I thought I needed to be strong for my family

And if I showed how I really felt, they would try to help me when they needed the help.

On the interior, I was depressed

And nobody knew.

Nobody noticed that inside I wasn't the same

Because I wouldn't let them see my interior.

I fell into, in my opinion, the worst kind of depression.

I was deeply depressed on the inside and nobody knew it

I had a silent depression.

It was hard to get out of

And lasted forever.

I still struggle with it

But I'm making progress.

I started to make progress on a missions trip to New York.

A fellow team member's cousin passed away during the trip

And the team supported him.

They laid hands on him and prayed

Everyone except me.

I was thinking

And crying.

He got so much support, and I hadn't

I was jealous

But I cried.

I cried because I missed the deceased.

I cried because I pushed my friends away.

I cried in fear of a upcoming camping trip (and my family arguing).

I cried out of jealousy. He got all this support, while I gone none.

I cried because I needed to cry.

Three (out of seven) of the adult team leaders noticed and asked if I wanted to talk.

So I did.

I came up with the excuse that I was fearful of the camping trip,

But I think they knew it was something deeper than that.

They cared.

They supported me.

I let them see my interior.

And they still supported me.

I'm glad to say that I'm mostly out of my silent depression.

I still struggle,

But not as much.

Silent depression is the worst.

No one knows you need help.

No one can tell.

Tell someone you can trust.

Cry.

You will recover.