You're My Last Hope (Under Edit)

Chapter 24

Chapter 24

I wake up, shaking and sweating, from my newest nightmare. I didn't scream though. I was too used to the nightmares to scream. I looked up and around my room, but I didn't see the peeling black paint or the fading grey carpet. I saw navy blue paint and hard wood flooring instead. Anthony's room.

I laid my head back on the pillow, closing my eyes. They snapped back open once I realized Anthony wasn't in the bed too though. I lift my head back up, looking around for him. I saw him laying down on the floor on a mattress, asleep. He had a few blankets spread out on it and a pillow. I hated that he gave me the bed. I know I was a guest, but I would rather him sleep on his bed. I sighed, laying my head back down and looking at his clock. It was 12:49. I sighed again, sitting back up. I needed to get home. I carefully slipped out of Anthony's bed, walking over to his desk to find a piece of paper. I needed to write him a note about where I was going, so he wouldn't get worried. Well, at least not too worried.

As I was looking around his desk, I accidentally knock over a notebook. It fell to the ground, falling open onto a page with a lot of messy handwriting on it. I winced and looked over at Anthony, letting out a sigh of relief when I saw he was still asleep. I didn't want him to wake up because 1) I was used to, if someone woke up, getting beaten and 2) he'd try to get me to stay at his house if he knew I wanted to leave.

"Well I found some paper I guess..." I mumble as I bend down and pick up the notebook, ignoring the rush of pain I felt. I looked down at the notebook and frowned as I looked at the writing. I didn't mean to be nosy, but curiosity got the best of me. I started to let my eyes scan over the page.

"I don't really know what to think anymore. I've already lost Annabeath to suicide and I'm afraid I may lose Kellin too. I mean, I never even got to tell Annabeath that I loved her. She never knew that I wanted her as more than a friend. I really feel bad about dating Emily. The only reason I am is because she reminds me as Ann. I've been thinking about breaking up with her but I don't want to hurt her. She's a nice girl, but she isn't the girl for me. I love her, I really do, but only as a friend. She's been trying to take it past  the level of being boyfriend and girlfriend lately though and it's making me very uncomfortable. The worse part about it though is she doesn't like Kel. I have no idea why she doesn't, but I think she sees him as a threat. I regret ever telling her I was bi. She acts like every person I'm friends with, I'll fall in love with and leave her. I like Kellin, but, as far as I know, he's straight. I don't want anything with him besides friendship, either way. I just wish she'd stop judging him so much. Kellin's a great person, I can tell. I can only imagine how great of a person he'd be if he didn't have his anxieties, abuse, and depression holding him back. I find it funny that the best people, the ones who could help people the most, are always too scared to share those things that could help. I can only hope that he can find a way out of all this before it kills him. What makes it worse is that Taylor is really close to him. I know how things work with Taylor; he finds a new person, he loves them, they end up leaving him and hurting him. I know Kellin won't hurt him with meaning to, but he may leave him, which would hurt him.  He wouldn't just walk out on him, I know, but if he commits suicide, it'll crush Taylor. He's my little brother, I love him. I can't lose him too. It seems like I'm losing everyone lately...Either way, I have to go off to the land of homework. But fear not journal, mom will make me write in you more tomorrow. It's either you or therapy, and I'd rather have you. So, until tomorrow, Anthony"

I quickly flip to the next empty page, tear out a pierce of paper, and put the notebook back on his desk, feeling like I saw a part of him I should've never seen. I brush all the questions about what I just read back and quickly write down a note for Anthony.

"I'm sorry but I had to go home. Dad will be mad if I'm not there. Thanks for letting me stay and get a few hours of rest though. I'll see you and Taylor tomorrow at school." I have to restrain for writing about what I read. I had to keep that a secret. I didn't want him to be mad that I read it. I carefully walk over to his bed and place the note on his pillow, pulling on my shoes once I do. I guess Anthony took them off for me. How nice of him. I quickly tie my laces and stand up, quietly walking out of his room and downstairs. The questions were still running through my mind, but I continued to push them back. I carefully unlock the door and open it, walking out. I grab the key out of my pocket that Anthony gave me and lock the door back. He had given me a key a few days ago so, if anything happens and I need to get to somewhere safe, I have a key. He had picked out one that was black and had a skull on the top of it. I put the key back in my pocket and start walking home, ignoring how cold it was. I sigh and look down, wishing that I didn't have to go home. But I did. If I didn't, dad would be mad.

I look up at the old tree in my backyard once I was there, placing my hands on some of the groves on it and starting to carefully climb up it. I carefully climb to my window and climb through it. It was sill opened from earlier. I shut it as soon as I was in and grabbed my jacket, pulling it on and zipping it up. I looked around my room and saw my hoodie laying on my dresser. I pulled it on quickly. It was freezing tonight. Without mom, all I had to keep myself warm was my jacket, hoodie and a thin blanket. I climb into my bed, pulling up the blanket around me. I didn't go to sleep though; my insomnia wouldn't let me. Instead, I sat there and let my mind wonder.

'Anthony loved Annabeath? The only reason he was dating Emily was because she reminded him of her? And Emily really doesn't like me? All because Anthony's bi? Why didn't he tell me? Did he think I may leave him because of it? Should I leave him because of it? No. I'm not doing that. Anthony's my friend. I-I cant leave him...But he could leave me. What if he does? When will that happen? Will it even happen?'  I shake my head, trying to get those thoughts out. He wasn't leaving. He couldn't leave me. I wouldn't let him. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed Anthony. He's starting to be like a big brother to me; he was almost just like Max. But really, it wouldn't matter if he left. It would only be another dagger in my heart; and there's enough there to where I won't even notice the new pain. I had nothing to lose really. The only thing I had to lose was myself and, let's face it, I've already lost most of that.