Are We Forbidden? (Boy X Boy)

Falling in Love

James's P.O.V

I closed the door and sighed. He noticed. I know he did. The way his eyes looked at me told me he did. He looked concerned. I couldn't stand it until he asked me how old I was, which was a little surprising.

I sat on my chair and took out a stick. It disturbed me that I would think of him that way. I shouldn't. I'm here to help him, not fantasize about him. He was only 19. A lot of people say that age doesn't matter when you're in love. Well to me, it does. 

After a few minutes my cigarette was all burnt out. I packed up my things and got ready to leave. I had some time to think about it. And our session that day made me realize how badly I wanted it. I had made my choice. There was no helping it. He was too good for me. Not only that, he was my patient. I wanted him. And that's so wrong. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Something about him reminded me of myself and made me think about how good it would be to be with him. I had to give up. It was the right choice.

This feeling. It's nostalgic. I never thought that I would feel this way again. With him right beside me, everything was okay. The sun was setting, painting the sky a deep orange color, the waves splashing along the shore, and the wind was cool on our skin, making the afternoon feel warm and cozy.

He nudged my side and I turned to look at him. He was still looking at the sea, head down and smiling. His long hair hid his eyes. I asked him what was wrong, and all he said was, "I love you James."

My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. He was still looking at the sea but slowly started to turn towards me. When I looked at him, I was shocked. I felt a pang of pain burst through my emotions, but I was too happy to pay attention to it. It was Alane. He smiled at me and said those words once more. "I love you James."

I leaned in to him, our foreheads touching while I cried of joy. I held his face and smiled. "Alane, I couldn't ask for anything else than your love. I-"

My buzzer woke me up. It was a dream. I wanted it to be true. My heart was still beating hard. I couldn't stop myself from crying. As much as I wanted that dream to be a reality, there was no reason for it to happen. Al had been my patient for six months. There was nothing at first. But the more I figured out his personality, the more enticed I was by the type of person he was. Whenever it was time for our session, I was happy. I never wanted our talking to end. All forms of my professionalism would go out the window whenever I'm face to face with him. 

I knew the other day that I wanted him. And it's because of these feelings that I have to end it. It will hurt, I'm sure. But what else can I do? I can't selfishly hold on to someone who's paying to see me. It was unethical that I would feel this way about my patient. Everytime I remind myself of my position, I hurt myself. It might be infatuation but I wouldn't know. I'm a psychiatrist but it's hard to see myself from the outside. I don't want to feel this way anymore. It was time to move on.