Are We Forbidden? (Boy X Boy)

Confessions

Al's P.O.V

I knocked on the door to James's office and let myself in, standing for a while by the entrance before heading to the chair in the middle of the room. I wanted to see if James would check me out again like he did the other day and, he did. I noticed that he started to check me out a lot more the past few days. And it was weird how I didn't feel bothered by it at all. It was as if I wanted him to keep his eyes on me. I wanted his attention and only his.

He soon realized what he was doing and hurried to get his papers ready for our session. I couldn't help but smile at how flustered he was. He might think he's all composed but the stiffness of his movements told me he felt awkward. I watched him as he got himself ready to talk with me. He had pale skin, his hair was a golden brown shade, and his body was a lot more slender than a regular dude. When he sighed, I immediately felt a sting of fear and worry. He sat down across from me and tried his best to reassure me with his smile.

"I think you'll be happy to know that this would be the last time you're going to see me."

That made me panic. I didn't know why, but I wasn't happy with what he said for sure. I didn't want to stop seeing him. He stared at me and I stared back. I could see the pain in his eyes as he said it. I wasn't sure if I was hurt because this was a bittersweet moment or if it was something else. I could tell that James was trying his hardest not to make this a big deal. I had to do the same. If he thinks that I'm better, then I'm sure he's doing the right thing.

I smiled at him and thanked him. "You're amazing James."

He really was. He did such a great job at taking away the hurt I've felt for so long. Everyone else I had gone to just wanted me to realize that emotions aren't everything and they are controllable. Nobody really took the time to get to know me and what I had been through. James was the only one. It was amazing he was able to withstand me and my pessimistic thoughts for six months.

Six months huh? It really did make sense that this would be the last. Half a year is a long time. Some people would say it's not enough time to heal but the way James treated me made me feel better and happier. I was happy with him. I was happy whenever I was with him. If James wasn't in front of me, it felt like the world was empty. I wanted this last one to last longer.

We started talking and I wished that no time would pass. I wanted to talk to him some more. I had such a great time the past few months. The last few weeks were even better. My heart was stuck with being at its happiest whenever James was around. I understood what I had felt that moment. I shouldn't make this harder for me or for James. He did the best he could. To have a relapse would mean getting to spend more time with him, but I didn't want to burden him with myself any longer. I wanted him to lay his burdens on me. I had no choice but to make the best of what we were having.

James looked up at the clock. His smile wiped away. I looked up as well and wished for the time to stop. I was looking for a way to keep talking to him. Even if it's not about me anymore. I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to know who he was.

James was about to end our meeting when I cut him off. Asking about his choice of clothes was a weird one to come up with but that was the first thing that came into my mind. Of course his answer was obvious. He was younger than most of the people I had been sent to. I was looking for another reason to keep talking to him. He was really young for a doctor. I tried to compliment him on his intelligence but I couldn't think of something great. "Let's just say people were expecting a lot from me."

James stood up and held out his hand. I didn't want to leave. I found myself shaking his hand, squeezing it to let him know how I felt. He was a psychiatrist, he should know what I was trying to do. But I could feel the reluctance in him. There was no point in staying any longer. It was too late. I started heading for the door, still trying to think of something else to talk about. But I couldn't.