Blame It (Of Mice & Men)

5 Years But I May Stop Counting

*~ 5 Years Later~*

"Happy Birthday dear Julia, happy Birthday to you!" we chorused. Julia leaned forward and blew out her candles, smiling. I snapped a few pictures as my parents began setting presents onto the dinner table.

It was hard to believe five years had passed. Her red hair fell in ringlets just below her shoulders, her hazel eyes always shining. She looked more like Alan than me, that was for sure.

"Mom, look! I got a necklace from Grandma!" she shouted, bringing me from my thoughts. I smiled. "Aw! How cute! What do you say?" I asked. "Thank you!" She yelled.

Things were hard on her, I knew. She didn't understand why daddy was gone so often and when he was home, why he spent so much time with Uncle Austin and Uncle Aaron.

I didn't even understand it. I knew he was tracking the new album, but it was like we were barely married anymore. We'd waited until Julia was two. We wanted her to be a part of it.

She opened the last gift and her mouth fell open. "Mommy! A guitar!" she squealed. She pulled the hot pink metal flake guitar from the case and strummed a few times, grinning.

"Now I can be like daddy!" I gave a small smile and took a picture of her with her new guitar. Eventually everyone left after eating cake and I was glad we could finally be alone.

"Jellyfish, take your toys up to your room, okay?" She nodded and began picking up her toys and walking up the stairs to her room. "Mommy, can I Skype daddy?" she asked.

"Again?" "But I need to show him my guitar!" I nodded and she smiled, grabbing her guitar and running to my room. I turned on the computer and sat on the bed as Julia pulled up Skype, calling Alan.

"Hey baby girl!" he answered. He was sitting in the bus lounge and I could see Austin's knee beside him. "Hey daddy!" "Hey babe," Alan said and I smiled, waving. "Look what I got, daddy!" Julia said, holding up the guitar.

"Woah! That's so cool! I promise I'll teach you how to play when I get home," he said. She grinned and yawned, rubbing her eyes. "Mommy I'm sleepy," she mumbled. "Well tell daddy goodnight," I said, gesturing to Alan's face.

"Goodnight daddy, I love you," she said leaning to kiss the computer screen. Alan blew her a kiss back. "Goodnight honey. I love you too." She climbed from the chair an I held up a finger to Alan telling him to hold on.

I tucked Julia in, making sure to turn on her nightlight before kissing her head and walking out and closing the door. I headed back to my room and sat in the computer chair. Alan had went to his bunk and he smiled as I appeared on the screen.

"Hey, baby," he said, smiling. "Hi," I replied, returning his smile. "I miss you guys," he said, and I knew he meant it. "We miss you too, Alan." "Two more days," he sighed. I smiled a bit, knowing I couldn't wait for him to be back.

"Well hey, I gotta get going. The guys are going drinking tonight an I'm playing DD. I love you babe," he said. I blew him a light kiss before smiling. "I love you too, Alan."

We hung up and I began undressing, realizing that I, too, was pretty tired. I pulled off my jeans, shirt, and bra before pulling on one of Alan's shirts. It still smelled like him and it made my heart ache.

I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself. I had lost weight since Julia was born. I'd wanted to get rid of the baby fat, and I did. My hips were full where my stomach was flat. My boobs had grown from pregnancy and for that, I was thankful. My black hair had grown to my hips and I looked completely different. I was a hot mom, I'm not gonna lie.

So as I laid down I couldn't help but wonder why it felt like Alan didn't want me anymore.