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Today is so hard.
Harder than yesterday.
Harder than the day I cut.
It took all my strength to get out of bed. The thought process to just get one leg to touch the floor tired me out.
My brain feels fuzzy and all I want to do is cry.
Why?
I wish to God I knew.
And not knowing just makes me want to cry more than before.
I feel so much pressure in my head that it urts too much. Come to think of it, everything hurts.
It hurts to walk, to sit, to think, to breathe. It's taking all my strength to write right now.
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People think the cutting is the worse part but I'd argue that it's the aftershocks. The days following the cutting.
The thoughts of being weak and worthless are ten times worse because the guilt of cutting has finally seeped inside.
The feeling that no one wants to deal with me or hear me is latching onto me and I can't break free from it.
I can't help what I think or feel. Trust me if I had a choice of the matter then this would not be my choice.
Day two is hard and it's just going to keep getting harder. I won't give up though. As weak as I feel I know I'm strong enough.
I have to be because I have two little beautiful innocent hearts relying on me to fight.
And I have a husband, fighting right next to me when I can't, who needs me too.
YOU ARE READING
An Explosion of Thoughts
Kısa HikayeThese entries are a glimpse of my personal journey and struggle with Bipolar disorder and depression. These entries may cause triggers so please be careful when you read. If you need help please don't hesitate to call and ask for help... If you nee...
