Unpredictable (Zayn Malik)

prologue

Zayn

I can't help but feel this way. It's like the joy in my life has been sucked away in just one night. She was never supposed to leave the way she did, I thought she would be mine forever. Now I'm living in the never ending darkness that has consumed me over the months. What did I do wrong? 

I loved her. I still do.

Why is it that I can't move past it? I did something wrong and now I only have myself to blame for it. I screwed up, I can't do this anymore. 

I look over the railing and gaze over the sidewalk and I don't feel anything. I don't feel scared, I'm just numb. It's been months and there's no point in this anymore. The cooling breeze hits my bare arms but I can only feel it pushing me closer over the edge. 

Zayn, don't do this. 

I hear her sweet angelic voice in the back of my mind and I take a slight step back. No, it can't be her, she's gone. 

I feel a buzz in my pocket and I take my phone out since the person won't take a hint that I'm not answering the call, it's Harry. I press decline only to get a message from him seconds later. 

Mate, we need you right now. Where ever you are in the building please come back. Simon's upset but we need you to come back. 

Sighing I put my phone back into it's original place in my pocket and make my way down the fire escape that leads me back to safety. I don't want to be safe though. 

The only reason why I'm going back into that meeting is because I've been giving the boys a hard time lately. They just don't understand me. They don't know how I'm feeling. They think they do, they think they can patch up the cracks in my soul but they can't, no one can. I'm broken.

Sutton

19 December 2013

This is what? My 6th journal now? There's no one that I can turn to except for writing them in journals. The thought of getting judged by others always consumes me every time I think about talking to someone about how I really feel. Yeah, I have Ali and Emma, but sometimes there are secrets that just are not worth telling others. Secrets I would not dare tell anyone.

I feel it again. The nightmares have come back and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I wake up in the middle of the night with tears running down my face and this pain in my chest that soon goes away once I realize it was just a nightmare, not the whole situation surfacing into reality. I thought it would stop once he left London, but I guess I was wrong. 

How could I have been so stupid? The thought of him brings me on the verge of tears and the pain never seems to permanently go away. I never thought it would though, I always knew deep down inside ever since that night that the memory will always be jammed in the back of my mind with no way of erasing it. 

I remember the lies and the way I felt so numb for months. I'm slowly recovering even though it's been a few years. I'm getting there, but once in awhile the pain would just wash over me and I would have to mend myself back together as always. Like now.

AN: This was originally posted on onedirectionfanfiction.com but I decided to move it here even though it's not completed because I decided to edit what I've written so far and change the chapters. Which means that there are already 20 chapters pre-written! x

*this is the rewritten prologue which I hope is better, sorry that it's short*