Permanent Vacation // 5SOS

15. Tess

"Lucifer." I scold as I get into the back room. He's lying in my suitcase while grooming himself. Yuck. He meows happily when he sees me. "Yeah, I missed you too buddy."

I sit on the floor and pull my guitar closer to me, unzipping the case as Lucifer gets up and struts over to me. We're in the same sort of mood, as usual.

"Did they feed you?" I ask, running my fingers down his back. He mews happily and sits next to me with his head on my leg. "Good. I don't need my baby to starve."

"Again with the cat whispering, huh?" I look up and see Calum standing in the doorway with one hand holding his phone and the other on his crotch.

"Fucking hell, go masturbate somewhere else you fucking creep." I screw up my face in disgust. He shrugs, winking at me as he walks away. "Cocksucking weirdo."

I pick up my guitar and sit it on my leg -not the one Lucifer's leaning on- and try not to hurt myself too badly as I start absent-mindedly strumming. Lucifer begins to purr and occasionally lets out a little meow.

"Didn't realise you could play." My head shoots up at the sound of Michael's voice, and I find him standing in pretty much the exact spot Calum was standing in a few seconds ago.

"What do you want?" I sigh, giving my fingers a rest. Lucifer comes and licks the top of my hand.

"I brought your pancakes." Michael says, holding up a plate of steaming, doughy goodness.

"Go fuck yourself, I didn't ask for anything." I spit. He sighs.

"You need to eat." He says, coming towards me slowly. I raise an eyebrow at him.

"I swear if you take another step, I'll cut off your feet and feed them to my cat." I threaten. He stops, hesitates, then puts the plate on the ground and pushes it towards me. It stops sliding right in front of me.

"I didn't make them. We bought them from a diner." He says. Lucifer moves towards them and sniffs them as I pick up the fork and poke at them with narrowed eyes.

"What do you think?" I mutter to my little black fur-ball. He looks up me and mews, then goes back to his position next to my leg. Safe. I slowly cut off a piece of pancake, feeling Michael's eyes judging every movement I make. I take a mouthful and slowly chew.

"They taste good?" Michael asks. I give him a blank expression as I take another mouthful. "I'll take that as a yes." I swallow.

"Sit." I demand. Surprisingly, he does as he's told, sitting down exactly where he is. Which happens to be the middle of the room. "If I ask you something, do you swear on your worthless life that you'll tell the whole truth?" He smiles slightly.

"Yes, I swear on my worthless life." He says. He's quiet for a moment, and I don't say anything because I know he's about to continue. I eat some more pancakes and pat Lucifer. "Do you trust me?"

"Honestly, no. But you're the most likely to tell me out of everyone that's on this fucking bus." I say truthfully.

"What about Ash? You and him seem close." He says, staring at the plate of food in front of me.

"Ashton's nice enough, but he doesn't like talking about my memory issues an all that shit. I would know; I've asked him before." I explain. He nods in understanding.

"Makes sense. What'd you wanna ask?" He waits expectantly, folding his legs in a criss-cross pretzel pattern like the one I'm in. I'm surprised he can manage that in those skinny jeans; they look really tight. I take a deep breath before speaking.

"Well, I know I'm mad at Cody, I just can't remember why. I was hoping you could tell me." I don't like feeling this vulnerable around people I barely know.

The bus starts to move and Michael isn't saying anything. He's just staring at the floor in front of him. Yay. Now someone other than me is broken too. Good job Tess.

"Mike?" I call softly. A tiny smile grows on his face.

"You never call me that." He says, then sighs. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Falling asleep on the floor at the arena." I tell him. I feel a little bad about going all weird around them, but it was the drugs talking, not me.

"Oh." He's silent for a little while longer and I don't feel like helping him out so I just let him sit and stare at the floor. Suddenly, he shuffles slightly closer to me and takes a deep breath, keeping his gaze linked with mine. "Well, we took you into our dressing room, then we left so that we could talk to Cody without disturbing you. I went back early 'cause I was hungry, and you were awake when I walked in. You couldn't remember me. We talked a bit and I changed your bandage again, then you fell asleep. After a while, you were crying in your sleep so I woke you up and we both fell asleep again and the others came in and woke us up. Calum said something wrong, you got pissed and stormed out. Cody asked what was wrong and you said you should've stayed in the car and waited for a tow truck, she said she's glad you're with us, you got even more pissed and ran off. The end." Michael says quickly. Wow.

"I... We said those things?" I ask quietly, shocked and upset by it. He nods.

"She was worried sick about you." He says, a look of concern covering his features. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I try to hold them back.

"What did she say when I left?" I ask softly; I'm terrified of what the answer might be, but I need to know.

"She, uh... She told us about your parents." Michael's voice is so quiet that I don't hear him properly, but when I figure out what he said, the tears come rolling down my cheeks. I cover my face with my hands and I can feel Lucifer moving onto my lap. He's upset too, which is no surprise.

I'm so focused on my cat that I barely notice the guitar being lifted off me. I look up and see Michael in the process of sitting down beside me.

"No, get the fuck away. I don't want pity. I'm not a fucking charity-case." I sob angrily, trying to push him away but failing. He puts one arm around my shoulders and uses the other to pull me closer to him. "Fuck off." I whine half-heartedly.

The truth is, I can't even fight this anymore. I've spent so long trying to be a tough, responsible adult that I've forgotten to let myself crumble sometimes. I need the support of this hug, which is why I'm not at all surprised when I find myself pulling Michael as close to me as possible and burying my face in his chest.

His shirt will be drenched and he's probably tired of me being so bipolar all the time, but I don't care because now I know a few things for certain;

He's the one that made me feel safe. He's the one that's looked after me. He's the one that's helping me to sleep. He's the one that carried me into the hospital. He's been there for me since the start of this memory nightmare.

I've finally found someone I can trust above all others to be there for me.

And I think I'm ready to let him in.

Him and his beautiful green eyes.