Driving through forests had a certain was of calming me. Most likely the isolation, maybe even the sound of the tires contrasting against the assault, probably the way I'd turn off my music & just listen. Listen to the sound of my car ripping through the forest & the wind blowing in my hair.
What ever it was, it certainly helped to clear my mind. Jesse hadn't been at work for the past three days. He hasn't been at school either. Sometimes I find myself picturing the way he told Maggie he "fell in love" with someone else. I can't imagine how she felt, I can't imagine the look of disbelief on her face.
And it was all because of me.
Driving into the café to see Jesse's moms mini van in the parking lot gave me a bad feeling in my stomach. I wondered if I should just leave, say I was sick, but I realized that we needed the money for bills. With Gregory going awol, we haven't had the most money coming in.
The smell of coffee smacks you in the face before you even walk into the place. I see Jesse behind the counter but he doesn't notice me. I rush to the back to get my apron. I awkwardly make my way to the cash register expecting to see Jesse, but he was gone doing who knows what. It seems like the second I stood in front of the register people started coming in.
I made sure to plaster on my best fake smile. "What can I get started for you today?"
||
Walking out of work I could feel a weight be lifted off my chest. That weight was quickly added back on once someone tugged my elbow. I turn to see a guilty looking Jesse. You could tell he hadn't slept for days based on the way his eyes were drooped. I subconsciously crossed my arms over my chest.
"You look horrible-"
"I'm in love with you Amnesia."
That was all it took for him to take one more piece of my heart. My best friends boyfriend was in love with me. How could I take something so valuable away from her?
But you didn't do anything. My thoughts said.
It didn't matter if I didn't do anything because he was still in love with me & not Maggie.
In a near whisper I said, "no you're not." He started walking closer & closer to me until my back hit my car.
"Except I am. I'm so in love with you that it hurts when ever you're not around me."
"You have a girlfriend. My best friend. And you broke her heart."
"I know & you have no idea how much I wish I didn't feel this way about you. Me & Maggie have been to hell & back, but none of that matters if she's not the one I love anymore."
Anger & frustration was bubbling up in my insides. Why did this have to happen? Why did any of this have to happen.
"None of that matters? So your entire relationship with Maggie meant nothing?" I raised my voice at the last part. Jesse put his head down.
"Of course it matters to me. It always will but I am in love with you Amnesia. I want you." Jesse began leaning in closer until his lips were forced into mine. My eyes grew wide & I tried to shove him off but his hold on my body was too tight. Finally he let go, giving me the opportunity to punch him square on his nose. He took a few steps back but was able to regain his posture.
"Why can't us" he pointed between the both of us, "happen?"
"Because I don't feel that way about you! And even if I did I would never do that to Maggie." Jesse scoffed as he ran a hand over his mouth.
"No, it's because you have feelings for Grayson."
I stayed silent.
"You have feelings for him even after gentlemanly embarrassed you. You still have feelings for him even after you found out he has ties to Andy. Remember Andy? The guy that totally fucked you over? Well guess what I was there!-"
"You're wrong."
"No I'm not."
"..."
"Congrats Amnesia, you fell for the biggest asshole on the planet." And with that Jesse walked off to his car. I quickly got into my car & drive off until I was in the woods. I took a separate road that led me to a patch of grass with a hill. I stepped outbid the car & let the tears come running down. My breathing quickened & it felt like my chest was going to explode. I set my head between my hands & looked up to the sky & screamed my heart out.
I let all of the weight of the past few days out with every scream I gave.
I collapsed onto the floor exhausted. Once I regained some energy I got up, dusted my pants off, & drove home.
I would like to clear a little something up. So at this last part Amnesia is acting like everything is fine after she just had a panic attack. I wanted you guys to see how she keeps her emotions in for so long, that sometimes she just explodes, and once she explodes, she dusts herself off & acts like everything is normal.
I do this constantly & I felt it was really important to tie it in with Amnesia's character since she likes to act as tough as can be but at the end of the day she has a heart that has been taped & shattered over & over again.
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The Amnesia effect | g.d
Fanfiction"He often told me, my name and my eyes were my most obvious feature," I sighed at the memory. "But only I, could ever truly know what my best feature is, and right now, I'm not sure what that is anymore." ••...
