The following is things that I left out because I didnt want to share them but now that I am ready I will share them
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So a few weeks before school ended James gave me this teddy it is super cute and he said whenever you miss me just hug this teddy and everything will be okay. The day that my parents and I went to his house he said and I quote "please keep the teddy it is all that we have left of us" end of quote. And I agreed to keeping it. The thing is the teddy is holding me back every time I look at it lots of memories come flooding back and its painful. I want to get rid of the teddy but I cant :'(
I cant sleep at night because as soon as I close my eyes I am just bombarded with images of James and it upsets me so much I just wanna cut myself to get rid of his face!!!!
Last night I dreamed that me and a friend went to the pool swimming and a didnt have shorts I just had a one piece swim suit. I seen heaps of people that I knew and to make it worse James was there at the end staring at my cuts along with everyone else....
In another dream it was my first day back at school and he didnt even notice me he just walked right past and started making jokes about my cuts and how much of a bitch I am.
This is why cutting is my sanctuary, my escape from the world...
