So basically for the next 2-3 months we both went in a downwards spiral we both were depressed I was the only one cutting well I thought I was.
The first day after school exams finished James and I had a massive fight and it ended uo with him telling me he had cut himself, banged his head against a wall till it bruised and punched his leg till he couldn't walk. I made him send a picture of the cuts I only seen a few because the others were too close to inappropriate places. His werent as bad as mine but they still looked bad. That night my mum read my ipod and seen the photo and everything else and she even had the guts to lift my shorts up and show my little brother who is only 12. That is what made me crack I went nuts at her I told her how stupid she was what the hell did she think she was doing.
At around 9:30 mum said that we should tell his mum so they rang and decided to go around to his house thank god I was allowed to go.
When we got there I was already in tears and I was shaking I couldnt handle it. But being the 'good' girl I am I sat there and just cried I couldnt let any of my anger out or else I would get in trouble. James left the room twice he looked shattered he was crying so much my heart broke for him.
Both my parents and James' mum agreed that we shouldnt see each other anymore and thats when he went outside to cool down, I just sat there till his mum said should we let those two talk for a while I pratically ran out the door and just flew into his arms we stayed like that for 5 minutes before I started telling him how I felt about everything
**** James' parents split up his father cheated on his mother ****
I asked James if he blamed himself for his parents splitting up and he said yes and burst into tears
Next I asked was your dad your favourite when you were growing up and he just broke down so I took it as a yes.
I had never seen him so broken and vulnerable it upset me so much.
When my mum and dad came out and said ee were going I just cried even more cos I knew I wouldnt see, text or hear from James until feburary next year when school started back. we had one last hug and then we drove home. That night I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying we had been going out for a year and one day and then it just over and mum doesnt even care how I am feeling about it, I didn't get a choice in the matter.
From that day right to today the 22nd of december I have kept a diary of when I have cut, what I am feeling and what I have been up to.
I havnt stopped cutting I dont know why but I just cant, I see a razor and cant stop myself even if I do it so it barely bleeds it still makes me feel better.
My mum came into the bathroom while i was having a shower and demanded that I show her my legs when she seen she threatened to send me to a therapist if she finds anymore cuts again.
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thanks for reading :) it means alot to me
bye
