slow down.

= chapter 23 =

"nnnnnnoooooooooooo." I groan to my mom. She walked into my room and opened the blinds and turned the light on, gesturing that its time for me to get up for school today.

"Yep. And you forgot to set your alarm last night or you'd be up by now." shit. She's right. "So as soon as your ready I made you pancakes that are sitting on the kitchen table."

"Alright." She steps out of my room and I roll out of bed. First things first. What to wear? I decide on skinny jeans with some faded rips in them. I choose a creamy white, long sleeve, baggy shirt with a couple accessories and a scarf. I throw on a brown cardigan and UGGs then head to the mirror. My makeup is kind of simple. My whole look is kind of simple. I'm just not ready for this and I'm to bummed to make any effort.

My makeup is foundation complemented with concealer. I use a rose gold color from my Naked pallet to give my eye lids some color. Next, I apply a thin line of eyeliner. Then comes blush, bronzer, and lipstick. Then I was finished.

I grab my bag off the floor and spray perfume on as I walk out of my bedroom, turning off the lights and shutting the door behind me.

Today is going to be a long day, I can feel it in my bones. And I'm not really looking forward to it. I'm ready. I've prepared myself to be abused with insults just incase. I know it will happen and I'm not excited for it. The question is, how much will I be insulted?

I walk downstairs and put my bag at the door. I sit down as I'm warmly welcomed by my strawberry pancakes. They are topped with whipped cream and chopped strawberries.

"OMG!! Aren't you just so excited for today!"my mom makes me jump a little but I quickly recover and respond.

"Actually, not really. I know it's the first day in the new school and I should be looking forward to seeing new faces, blah blah blah. The truth is that it is fun to fantasize about but as soon as I walk through those school doors I'm going to be just wrapped apart considering I'm the new kid. Not to mention my ex is the most popular kid there. Fun! Right?"

"Oh I'm sorry. I expected that but I thought you were in a positive mood about it and I didn't want to ruin that so I just tried to encourage your positivity."

"Its okay mom!" I answer as I pile my dishes into the sink. She grabs her keys and makes her way outside to go into her car to go to work.

"Love you darling! I'll be home at 7, I have to work late tonight."

"mmmmk!" with that I grabbed my lunch and a drink out of the fridge. Then headed to the door and threw my bag over my shoulder. I grab my house keys and head out to the side walk.

It's quite a short walk, only a block or two. I get there within minutes and and stand awkwardly in the cold at the stop sign waiting for the bus. I start thinking like I usually do. Naturally, I like to fuck with myself and think so that I can be more stressed, anxious, and worried than I already am.

Maybe I'll blend in. This is everyone else's first day back from break too so hopefully that makes me blend in a little more. My thoughts wander and come across a terrifying and hopeless topic. That being, Mr. Harry Edward Styles. He's been in my dreams, in my thoughts, in words pouring from my pink lips, and even into my day dreams. He is all I can think about. But I'm nothing to him. I'm another one of his toys that he can just pick up whenever he wants and play with. He knows how deep his hook is in me. He's like a drug. But I hate him. I hate him so much. He fucks with my thoughts and feelings. He fucked with my life in general. It's his hobby too. He enjoys watching me hurt an he just loves to know I'm wrapped around my finger.

Late last night he texted me and told me how he misses me and loves me. So I said "really!?" and all he had to say was "NO! LMFAO! Of course not! it's just hilarious when I get to you!"

and I responded with a simple "fuck you -.-" and then I went to sleep. So a duck like that is what I have to look forward to today. So.. YAY! Haha! Love's a Bitch. 

I snap back to reality when I see a woman figure come out of the fog running towards me!

OMG ITS JILL! THE GIRL FROM THE PLANE!

*****

OK I literally deserved to be attacked by cockroaches. I am SO SORRY. I'm not going to pretend like I have been deathly busy the whole Christmas break because I was not. Have the time I was sitting on my ass being a bum. So please excuse me for being a bitch and not updating like the whole break. There really isn't an excuse and I am so sorry. I am going to seriously try so hard to update normally and get back on track. And also I'm sorry this is short but it is like 2:00 in the morning and, for me, tomorrow is the first day back to school from winter break  so I really need some sleep. I'm so tired. So goodnight lovelies

love you all! ;*

~d